Thank you for your response. I was beginning to think I was doing something wrong.
Yes, I was 15 and he was 16 when we started dating. H was just telling me in Feb how much he loved me and our kids. How much he needs all of my love and I said me too. Played romantic music for me. We had a great sex life and he even has said we've had a great marriage. So I was totally blindsided by his stating he thought he needed to be alone. He said he needed to find fulfillment, and that he loved me on many levels but just didn't feel the same about us. He kept saying things were complicated when I'd ask about what he needed to be fulfilled. Yes definitely a MLC!
This year he has been away for work a lot more. I finally got out of him that he had met someone at work and that he'd been calling her. He said he was going to take some time to himself (3weeks) and figure things out. I asked if OW was going to be there and he said that yes for part of the time. I was a complete basket case when he was away. Especially when I knew they would be together. I told him before he left if he had sex with her, we'd be done. Well he did but I'm still here.
He said while he was away to consider us separated. In his mind then he doesn't believe he cheated! WTH? He told his mother about OW and she told him to follow his heart. She's totally ok with him meeting up with her this summer, meeting her family, and giving her a ring. What a piece of work!!
Our kids don't know about what's happening. At first my H wanted to separate and move out as soon as he came back after his 3wk "break" but then he thought to wait to tell the kids until my son graduated. During the 2.5 months before graduation we continued acting as if we were still a couple. We hung out with family, friends, and went on bike rides. We had sex a few times too. He was reluctant and felt it was wrong but I said that I was still his wife so why not?
The OW lives across the country so he could only talk to her by phone/text. I put her out of my mind and thought if I could reconnect with him, we'd stand a chance. And we were connecting until he said that he could feel me pulling him towards me and that he needed to make a "clean break" from me and move out when he gets home in Sept.
So the plan was to tell the kids after the summer. He was supposed to be away all summer for work and with the OW. My daughter, who doesn't live at home, started asking when dad was coming home. Then she just came out and asked what's going on. I texted my H and told him he'd have to talk to the kids. He said he didn't want to do it over the phone so that is why he is flying home for 2weeks to talk to them in person.
Like i said, the first 1.5 weeks he was away, I was constantly texting and emailing him. After he called my on my birthday, I did a 180 and stopped all communication. Maybe that's part of the reason he's coming home? Maybe wishful thinking.
