I ordered the books yesterday. Will take some time to reach me in Belgium but it is what it is.
I've broken so many rules, told myself yesterday it was a fresh start, and broke some again.
I haven't spoken with her on the phone since I've found out about the affair. It's just been email/facebook.
The last couple of days she has expressed remorse and deep shame/disappointment in herself. She's staying with my parents and the fact my dad can't look at her is destroying her.
Anyways, our friends here in Belgium had their baby. She had deactivated her facebook so I sent her the pictures. She talked about the memories of having our children, and said she was happy I had atleast some good memories to hold onto.
Me being an idiot, took the bait. I told her I had much more wonderful memories of us than just when our daughters were born. She asked if I would put a list together and she would do the same.
My mind was screaming at me to say no, but my lack of willpower lost and I ended up making a long and detailed list of my favorite times with her. Shed some tears while doing it. I kept telling myself that not all of these women can be of the same mold when their like this, but I was wrong.
The first thing she did was correct one of my memories. Then tore some of them up, saying she was only doing things in them because she was trying to get my attention away from the things I was preoccupied with.
Realizing what she was doing it angered me. I called her manipulative and cruel. Told her she never had a list in mind and was just using this to hurt me.
She told me that wasn't true and sent me her list. I haven't responded to her since and don't plan to.
I broke alot of the rules last night, but I think I got the kick in the butt I needed to go all in on this thing.
