New here.

[little1]

Thank you Georgiabelle. Sometimes i think and say things that I know what the answer is, but need someone to put a boot up my butt to get me back on track.

Today I am not feeling so great. I want to hide in my bedroom and just cry but I can't. I just don't understand and unfortantly I am the type of person to question everything until I do. Working on that.

No real contact with H since Saturday morning. I got 1 text at work that said hi. He knew i was on post so when I got a break I saw it. I wasn't going to respond to it because I knew he was in bed and when his phone went off it would piss her off. So I said screw it and sent back hi (at 0230).

Sunday when we were together, I was able to say a few things on my mind. Nothing about R or anything like that. Basically apologized for not listening but only hearing what I wanted to hear. I also told him that it wasn't for him, it was for me that I said the things I needed to. He smiled and said ok. My H is not one for words. Before (a year ago) i would have gotten a whatever or some other response. After we parted that day I sent him a text thanking him for listening to me and I really appreciate it.

He told me about a group he is looking to join. Its an outdoor type of group and I guess she is joining with him. I told him cool that will give you something else you to do together. Calmly, not sarcasticly, and heart felt. He didn't seem happy she was joining him. Usually if he says something about what they are doing he waits for my reaction before going on. If I seem happy he goes on etc. This time he didn't. This time i got yeah ok.

He is also diving head first into work again. He has always had a strong work ethic, but when he first left he pulled no unscheduled overtime, nothing extra. Now he is working as much as he can.

No big plans for my weekend except to take ds to the park in the morning. We go every Wednesday morning when I get home from work while its still cool. Then whatever he wants. Usually we veg out on the couch, him curled up next to me watching all of his favorite movies. i have plans to go out with a friend thursday night for a couple of hours. With my anxiety high, I am uncomfortable going out much, so she makes me go out for a couple of hours once a week. She keeps it at about 2 hours. Thats up in time from a year ago.

A year. I have been in this for a year now. And in this year I have lost 80 pounds, had all my teeth pulled and got dentures, and cleared clutter out of my house. My next big project: Clearing my yard.