In letter H does say he wants to discuss what HE can do to repair what has happened. And he does use the word "repair." He says he is "completely open" to finding out what HE can do. He also says we can communicate face to face or whichever way I prefer.
I just think HE could not communicate his own feelings any other way than by letter. Surprise, surprise he has a tough time talking face to face. I know he was abused if he expressed himself at all. Over the weekend when he initiated face to face R discussion he was very visibly emotional and excused himself for a bit. It is immature for him to write a letter, but it is his reality right now. It was HUGE for him to initiate what he did face to face. He has acknowledged his deficiencies in this area and many times has said he is amazed by how emotionally communicative I am compared to him.
As for the "ASAP" part I am not sure what is up with that. My mind can go to dark places with that. But, I tend to think it may be his way of feeling like he has some modicum of control in this situation.
He has made mistakes for sure. And I need to discuss those with him. If he really is interested in repairing things it will show pretty quickly.
But, I emotionally checked out of this marriage 3 years ago, maybe 4. I know I did not cause his MLC but I certainly did my M no favors. I even fantasized about getting my own apartment (not for EA or PA, but to escape). And 16 months ago, knee deep in a crazy depression, I told my H I wanted a divorce! Then I forgot why I even said it! I also told him I wished he would die-to his face. I was awful.
He tried to reach me, tried to connect, tried to help me when I was depressed. I remember him begging me to see a doctor and I thought he was crazy. I remember my kids asking me to be happy again. It is painful to admit, but I emotionally, intellectually and physically abandoned him. I wish I could say it was otherwise but my H was alone for 3 years. I caused him great pain and loneliness. I slept on the edge of the bed like he was a leper. I picked fights with him. I was so angry at him. I don't know if it was MLC I went through. But I remember waking up and thinking I had so much for which to be thankful.
Meanwhile, he had detached. And that's what landed me here.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
