Just journallying. Anniversary of the bomb is looming and I have been feeling it. The other day H said ILY and my reply without thinking was "you didn't a year ago." Anyway this must have sunk in with him a bit because he has been guilting about the amount of time he spends away diving and says I must be feeling unloved.

I don't feel unloved, I don't know what I feel. I feel loved by him and by the kids too. Noone could want for more love than I am getting right now, I'm just not sure I feel it back (for him - not the kids!). Slowly slowly I guess. Bit by bit little things happen that nudge us in the right direction. It's the talking really - he has never been much of a talker and still isn't. Yesterday he passed his final diving exam - yay. He said "how long have I been dreaming of being a dive instructor? - four years". The thing is that was news to me, I knew he wanted it for about two years tops because I never get to hear what he wants, what his hopes and dreams are, what his opinions are.

He does seem open to hearing what I want from our R, so maybe now is finally the time for me to tell him what I want.

take care all


Fran

if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs
Erica Jong