What am I doing wittering on about by 80% perfect relationship when the real issue in my life right now is my mum. August 01 she had a kidney removed when they found a tumour. She has been having routine scans ever since and as far as I was aware they were all clear. Not so - she has had a lump removed from her breast and they have now picked up "nodules" in the lungs. She only confessed this to me a couple of weeks ago because I had made her scan appointment for her while she was on holiday so after the appointment I asked her outright if the scan was clear.

She has been keeping it from everyone (except my sister) because she didn't want to be treated any differently. And I guess because she didn't want to feel the reality of it. My poor sister has been carrying this burden around for 18 months with noone to talk to about it - it is so unfair on her. I had been wondering what the hell was wrong with her all this time, why we didn't seem close anymore, why she was so cynical and rude all the time

Unfortunately neither of my parents have much emotional intelligence.

I talked to my Dad, that man is truly weird, he is a very intelligent person but he has the emotions of a frog. I should be grateful that H has an emotional life even if he finds it hard to control. Dad is like a stone and he has no idea of the emotions others might feel. He has not accompanied my Mum on any of her hospital appointments Which is just horrendous, here she is receiving bad news after bad news with noone there to even hold her hand I think I managed to talk him into going with her. He told me she didn't want him to, so in front of him I asked her why she didn't want Dad with her and she said - yes I do.

The worst thing is they live in France so neither my sister nor I can be there on a day to day basis. She is well in herself at the moment but I guess it is only a matter of time.

I know this isn't a bereavement board or anything but you guys have always been so supportive and I guess it puts stuff in context to know what else is happening in someone's life.

take care all - and love the one you're with

Fran

if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs
Erica Jong