Lost, alone, and in pain

[HurtHus]

I recently (two weeks ago to the day) found out that my wife of 13 years has been having an affair for at least 4 months. She swore to me over and over in that four months that nothing was going on, but I knew in my heart what was going on.

When I confronted her and told her she had to decide which relationship she wanted to save she needed time to think. I made an apt with a lawyer. Prior to the meeting she said she didn't know if that was the route she wanted to go.

I gave her a few conditions:
1. She had to end all communication with the OM.
2. She would get help to figure out what she needed to do to work through her mid-life crisis.
3. We commit to going through therapy (have a few more sessions with a coach from here).
4. We use the tools we got from a marriage seminar to help us get back on track.

I can't sleep. I know she had the OM in our house when I had the kids out of town. Everywhere I look my imagination runs wild and I think of what they did in my home. We are going to finally get new sheets for my bed. I think I want to burn the old ones.

There have been days where she seems committed and days she seems totally detached. I have told her I am forgiving her and understand that she probably misses the OM and would like to support her in getting over him. She has said she appreciates all of this, but I am starving for her affection, her loving touch, any sign of interest.

She can't even bring herself to kiss me any differently than she kisses our two children.

I'm working on being the best me I can be and have found great enjoyment in doing thing I like and having new experiences with our children. I am trying to detach, I had to sleep in our daughter's room last week and she admitted she was afraid I had simply walked out. It seems like she wants to make it work, but also doesn't seem like she cares about what I need to feel loved and accepted by her after such an intense rejection.

Help!

Me: 36
W: 36
M: 13 y
T: 17 y
2 kids