Separated...and working on it

[Di-mond]

My illness (Scleroderma): It is my burden. I educate myself about treatments and tests. I do have an uphill battle ahead of me with my work's disability department.

I felt I needed to research your illness, which is why it has taken me a little time to reply to you, I have a little more to ponder on. I am not one of those people who believes that our physiology completely determines our psychology but more that some illness affects our state of being, our wellness. There is much I need to think about and I will reflect further before I have 'foot in mouth syndrome'. If it's ok, then I will seek some more answers before responding.

They want me to go back to work. I know that I will never be able to do the work I did for 17 years without crippling myself.

At this point please don't prejudge that doing X will definitely cause Y. In this case 'crippling' , when your life burdens are lightened then a great deal of restrictions will be gone. In due course can we discuss if the monkey on the back also applies in your work environment?


I will fight them and already have the number of a top notch lawyer that has taken on my employer before. Btw...I built cars for a living for one of the top import car manufacturers. The days of installing tires, front windshields, dashboards are over for me.

I will in due course refer you to a TED talk, but I am not quite ready to make my case, this is because my thoughts are still a little jumbled. The young man giving the TED tallk was blinded by a firework whilst very young, his employer permitted him to employ a 'pair of eyes' paid for out of his salary. This strategy would be a 'pair of arms' for you.

It [censored], since I was only 10 years away from retiring with a full pension.

Clearly your employer wants you to stay as you are so gifted. Think of this time as a sojourn. A break for the time being, some bridges once burned can't be unturned. I sense you haven't decided on a course yet so makes sense to me your strategy here of deferral of a decision.

But if I stay for 10 more years I will be crippled or dead.

I am concerned very deeply by these thoughts, in case they are a belief. In which case whether you work or not, this may cause self sabotage. I think it's important to rethink this one, and I would dearly love you to discuss this train of thought with an IC in case you are railroading yourself into a corner you can't get out of easily. Our subconscious can bring about our deepest fears, it thinks it's providing a service to us, I would dearly love you to have life and wellness affirming beliefs. This may be connected to the clearing that is going on in your life and replacing tangible burdens and thoughts about those with hearth burdens instead, my only pause on this is that the illness seems to have triggered some physical cleanse in your environment. But I think this might be worth IC Perhaps your MC might add an extra half hour here and there as IC?. I sense it's important for you.

[color:#3366FF]V,
On to the next few paragraphs:
All of these pretty much have to do with my illness and well-being.
I can not do my job anymore. Physically it is impossible.building cars is a young man's game not a middle aged woman's. I am just a number at my company. One of 1000's. I never liked my job and it made me miserable. I was there for the money, benefits and job security. I needed that to take care of everyone else. Now that soon enough it will only be me and a few of my animals I don't need nor want to put myself through hell doing something I hate and that physically hurts me. I really am not exaggerating hat if I stay I will be crippled or die. I have watched many of my older co-workers be targeted into quitting, getting fired or dying by management. At this point for my health and well being I have to figure out a way to extricate myself with the least amount of financial damage. Treading lightly, making sure all my medical papers are properly filled out and yes having legal backing when management tries to bully me. Being diagnosed with my illness and then having H walk out on me were proverbial 2x4 that I could not continue on the life path that I was on. Yes, more time with an IC to discuss this further would probably be a good idea.[/color]