Went for Gold - got the Bronze

[cruiserrg]

Hap,

I think there are things to work with here and that is Great! It sounds like to me the one major thing lacking for you is the mental/emotional R. If there are others, please post them as well.

First, I must say that reading your post sounded like something my W would have said as a reason she walked our the door and seperated from me. To me you sound like a WAW on the verge, and some of your discussion was alien talk. PLEASE step out of the fog for a bit and look at the reality. Hope this 2x4 doesn't hurt too bad.

From what I have read in this post your H wants to be close with you even to the point of being mushy, but you say you have been dening him that. Let me ask you this...if you were pushed away everytime you wanted to be mushy with a lover, would you be willing to have deep emotional and mental conversations with them? I would bet your honest answer would be NO.

You and your H are at the point of rebuilding your NEW marriage, but you are holding onto the past by saying he is wired that way and won't change. This is a MYTH, people can and do change! I also get the sense that he is open to this by him approaching you to be "mushy".

Also the points to make about sex...when he is joking about ML everyday, I would guess that is not far off. Most men I believe want to ML 4-5 times a week. I get the feeling he is joking with you as a plea for more without actually initiating it. I would be he doesn't initiate much because he is respecting how you are feeling now, and besides if you won't let him be mushy, what signal about ML does that send to him?

I feel that all of what you are talking about goes hand in hand. You want to have a deeper connection with him mentally and emotionally through conversation, but this is difficult for most men. I feel strongly that if you let down this wall and let him be the loving H he wants to be for you all the other aspects will fall into place.

Let him be mushy, ML to him more, do things with him to foster the R that you want and go into it like its already there.

Lastly some tips to help develop this communication. Get the audio CDs of "What Women Want Men to Know" and listen to them together. Next grab a copy of Mars/Venus and 5 Love Languages and read them together one chapter time and discuss after you have each read the chapter. Also list out things your H likes to do, things you like to do, and things you like to do together. After you have written the list, brainstorm together on things you both want to try that you have never done. Take one thing off the list each week and do it. Then afterwards have a nice meal and discuss what you did. Men like recreating together with their Ws and it fosters get converstations. Lastly, on your own contemplate the topics you struggle having with your H (ones where you or him get angry or both), than think of times that those discussions have gone well (if any) an think about what was different. Then only have them at those times. Timing is everything, and don't push if its going downhill.

Just some thought starters here. I hope you take the advise and do the homework above, and also the week of letting him be the loving H I suggested above and see where it takes you. Post back and maybe we can give more guidance. Don't be the WAS, work on your R as hard as you did to get your H back. DB for the R, not to get your WAS home.