thanks. i did get a haircut. i've changed a lot of things. cleaning up around the house more. looking her in the eye when we talk. listening to what she says. seems to have no affect.
Keep in mind, all these 'changes' you have made are very new, and she will assume they are just to 'trick' her back into that unhappy marriage she is running from. Takes time for them to trust these changes are real and will stick ... PATIENCE
Originally Posted By: Gabs
one thing I don't get... wouldn't it be OK to take the middle ground a little? can't I show her that I'm doing OK but also that I'm sad she's leaving? it is normal to have a mixture of emotions.
Not if it shows weakness... remember .. she has to respect you .. not pity you, her coming back to wipe your tears is not her coming back attracted to you wanting to fix this marriage.
Originally Posted By: Gabs
she told me yesterday that she thought I would be fine with this because when we were together it seemed like I wasn't happy with her. so if I go with the "act as if" plan that confirms with her that I am glad she's leaving. I want her to know I don't want her to leave and any indication I gave before that I wanted out was an error.
The attitude you want to have here is "This is not my choice nor what I wanted ... but I will be ok.
Originally Posted By: Gabs
I want in. I feel inclined to occasionally remind her that I am not happy with what is happening and I want her back, not in a "groveling" tone but just as a matter of fact way of speaking. just so she doesn't get the idea that I'm happy about what is happening. isn't there some benefit to her knowing that I love her and want her? Some of these things I just don't get.
The reply echos what I just said ... as a LBH you simply say "This is not what I want, but I respect your decision" You end the conversation ... walk away as you have something important to do and let her start thinking about her decsions.
The faster you get onboard with this the easier it will be ... read about .. many members do try to pick and choose what they want and it simply does not work and sets them back
Read up on Sandi's WW threads .. alot of great information on where your W truly is mentally ...knowledge is power
