Cargiver aka fool?

[sandi2]

Talking to a DB coach would probably give you a lot of encouragement. What I have to say may not sound too encouraging to some newcomer LBH's, but I am giving information from the viewpoint from the WW, hoping to help in that way.

You did an excellent job of holding your ground about not moving out of the house. As you saw for yourself, if you do not give the emotional response she's seeking, she'll hit lower.

Keep in mind at this point I am super calm super detached, no sadness or anger or anything. I wasn't bawling like a baby at her vicious remarks. So then she tries somethign else she told me she liked me better when I was suicidal

Prime example, when she says she liked you better suicidal. That indicates just how cold-hearted and how far below the belt a WW will hit.

She is actually challenging you. She sees herself being the stronger person, and sees you being the emotional and weaker one. She's simply taking advantage of your emotions and attacking when your defenses are down (or so she thought).

She has been the one yanking you around. So, first few times she sees you calm and showing no emotion, she becomes like a charging bull. She wants to hold her place of power, so to speak. In other words, when she sees you falling apart, it assures her that you are very much emotionally attached and in the palm of her hand....and she is the one in charge of the stitch. I know this sounds "sick", but it is part of the very ugly side of the WW.

The WW has lost respect for her H. She will display that disrespect in her bad behavior and treatment of him. Before they will ever stand a chance of R, he will have to turn things around and be a man who will not be pushed around (emotionally, financially, by threats, or other bullying tactics) by his WW. He will not allow his fear to control his decisions. She will see him standing tall, being decisive, calm, & collected. If she disrespects him (or dishonors his boundaries), she sees some type of a consequence. (Examples would be that he may call her out about it. He may walk out of the room, hang up the phone, or drive away. It should be something that she sees being a consequence for dishonoring his boundary......depending on what the boundary is.)

At first, she may get really mad at him. Which is nothing new, b/c the LBH cannot please a WW, or "nice" her back into the MR. If he decides to stand up to her......then she's pi$$ed. If he won't back down, and she sees that she can't bully him......she begins to respect him as a man (although she won't admit it to him). She has to start respecting him as man before she can be attracted to him and want to think about him as a H.

I told her I would never hurt our son like that and I hope she knows that. So then she switches tactics and tells me I should move out of the house since now she can't move with our son's arm broken,

Another example of a WW's craziness. Let me encourage you to not bother trying to reason with her. Don't even bother to defend yourself when she throws these crazy accusations at you. You know the truth.....and so does she. You did not have defend yourself about the son getting his arm broken. In case such as this (next time), just look at her and say, "We both know the truth". Then walk away from her and don't engage further. Sometimes a H's serious and steady look in the face of his WW, will hit home better than words.

She continues on about her wanting to leave for a week, maybe she would go back home to illinois by herself she says even though a few days ago she said she wouldn't want to leave out son for that long. I said yeah right you mean florida. she says what's that supposed to mean, I told her that when I suggested she go to illinois to see her grandma without out son that was some type of impossbility. But now she can't wait to be gone for a week?

This is more of the WW craziness and instead of engaging, you need to walk away. Leave the house if she won't stop, but don't allow her to pull you into the loony bin. You cannot reason with a WW b/c her mind is incapable of thinking logically. She will not operate out of logic, b/c everything is based on her emotions at that moment in time.

At this point I told her a few things:
1. I'm not moving out, I will continue to fix up the house and maybe we'll sell it when it's all done but I'm not leaving
2. I'm not moving out the bedroom if she wants to do that, that is her choice to make

Good for you!