Diana, this is true but you chose this. It is a choice I have made too on occasion and on occasion not. There are two thoughts here, firstly this isn't a black and white thing entirely. You may not be paid in financial terms but you can be paid in other ways, by others gardening, reciprocating, sharing, helping and giving you company etc. that is valid when others temporarily don't have the resources or have difficult circumstances, it's called being a Christian or a Good Samaritan. When others do have the resources and they don't contribute then we are taking from them their personal power and at the same time either relinquishing control or giving them control. This isn't useful to either party. I have a friend whose 42 year old son lives in her house and he behaves like a 15 year old, she calls him 'my baby boy'.
I gladly provided the financial means to keep this house for everyone. Yes, it would have been nice if the people that lived in this house would have picked up the slack for everything else. The maintenance, the gardening, the snow shovelling, etc. However, no one ever did. I still had to do 99% of the housework, yard work, vehicle maintenance, etc. It made me feel used! Since this seems to be an ongoing trend over the last 15 years, including not just my H and children, but various other people (x-h, x-sil, x-mil, various friends of my sons that lived with us) I have had to examine my role in it. I don't know if I put out the vibe "walk all over me", but whenever I have enforced boundaries people left. I guess I have some abandonment issues about that as well.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
