My wife just took the kids to go look at a house. She asked me first if I minded that they come with her. I thought about the concepts here, took a deep breath, and said it would be fine.
They are there looking at the house now. I'm so filled with emotions I can barely breathe.
I was glad to find this website but now I'm questioning everything at this moment. The truth is, I just want her back. I finally realize what I was doing wrong and I could really show her what it's like to be loved if I could just have a chance. These changes I'm making, they are good for me, but I have to be honest. I'm doing it for her.
It is so hard for me to "go along" with what she is doing and stop resisting. I just want to cry, beg, promise. I realize that has not worked but that is what I feel inside and it is so hard to pretend otherwise, especially when it seems like it is enabling her to move forward. I don't really want to "get a life." All I can do is think about her. I have gone out several times since she announced the split, and it's difficult to have fun. People say "hi how you doing?" and if I'm honest I have to say that I'm doing pretty shitty. If I go to a concert, every song reminds me of her and I cry, and I just can't wait to get back home into my hole, where I can think about her and what I can do to get her back. The only thing that keeps me going is hope. This website offered some hope but the suggestions are so against what I want to do and so difficult to pretend when feel like I'm being eaten alive inside. Then I read a thread where someone has been trying this and it hasn't helped. And that makes me wonder if all this is worth it. I realize there are no guarantees... But are there any success stories/threads I could read? Maybe that would help me. I have read a lot about what I'm supposed to do, but I haven't seen anything that describes her thought process and what enables her to start rethinking the track she's on. I've heard that she has a case of "the grass is greener on the other side" and she has to taste the grass over there before she can realize it's not any better. I would love to read a story or two about someone who let their wife buy another house without resistance.... and somehow things turned around afterwards. Otherwise I am just questioning all of this and I just want to go back into my hole.
Right now they are over looking at a house. Why is this happening? I'm a good person. I realize I didn't love her the way I should have but I was good to her and I took care of her. I'm a good person and I deserve another chance. After 30 years! And kids are involved. This is so crazy, nuts, sad, depressing. I swear I would do ANYTHING for just one more chance and I would hit a HOME RUN. I know it more than anything. I was never ready to really love her but I am now!
I supposed this site would tell me, when they get back I'm supposed to just put a smile on my face and pretend that I'm happy that they went to look at a new house while in reality my entire world is crumbling around me.
Sorry for the negativity. I'm just having a hard time and there's no other place I can vent.
