I'm sorry to come here and read your update. BEC, she may have filed, but it's not over until you decide it is. It takes a while for the divorce process to take place and during that time, you continue to DB for YOU. Do not allow this woman to bully and blackmail you into giving up your rights or for paying out the nose for her enjoyment. You stand your ground and get a good lawyer who will fight for your rights as a father and as a former spouse.
Your wife hasn't a clue as to what she's getting into. She will need to find a full time job, take care of the children when she comes home, do all of the work around a home, pay her own taxes, etc. You now need to step back and allow her to "learn" what it is like to be on her own totally. Your interest is now your children. Please do not go over there and do all of the things you've been doing to make her life easier because, as you can see, it didn't work.
BEC, it is now all about YOU and your children. Do not allow her filing and her statements scare you. Get a good lawyer who will looking out for YOU and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
