LBS trying to get it right

[Azzork]

I am a long way from giving up I just do not have any idea how long she can walk away before she will never turn back she might be at this point already I just feel the longer she walks the further she will go and the less chance I will have of her coming back

Sorry to go on

Gary

Ghost - here's my advice to you: "Give Up". You have to find it in yourself to let go of this marriage so that you can stop looking at everything you do through the lens of what she is doing. We are ALL here because we made mistakes. None of us can go back and change the past. All we can do is learn from it and move forward. I believe that by trying to hold on to your marriage so tightly, it's causing you to not be able to change you. Your whole focus in all of your threads is on changing your wife's mind. The only way to do that is to change YOU. And I truly believe the only way to do THAT is to let go.

It's so incredibly hard to do. But that's my advice.

Edit to add that what I said ^^^ does not mean that you will never be happily married to her again. But I believe you have to treat your old marriage as a dead entity and what I wrote above is the only way for a new, better marriage to be reborn.

[ATPeace]

Azzork
Do you think I should move to my parents house

[Azzork]

Azzork
Do you think I should move to my parents house

That's tough to answer. Generally, I would say no. But I would get thoughts from others.

My point was that you are so focused on saving your marriage, that you are having a difficult time with actually looking within to change. From what I read, you keep hoping SHE will change. But YOU have to change first.

[ATPeace]

Azzork

How long does it take for me to change I know I have been changing with what I have been doing arround the house and the things that I hqve been doing for the kidsbut I know that right now she does not believe my changes I inow I need time

I do not know if moving home is the answer I just want to give her space and stop my pain I do not know if moving home will be the answer

I know I somehow have to move on why does moving on feel like giving up giving her space how does that not equate to her going out and dating and moving on without me

I am so so sorry for keep going on about this

Sorry

Gary

[ATPeace]

I realise I have to GAL AND MOVE ON

this has been the advice that has been given for a long time

And I need to accept that things are over I do not want to move to my parents house I feel this will be a backwards step

I do not think my changes will be enough for her but then I am making the changes for me so we will see what time brings

My W wanted to go for a walk today so I knew we would possibly end up talking she she said that she could see that I had been upset erlier and did not want me to keep getting upset as this is hurting her.

she said she could see that I was making an effort to be arround for the children more but felt that I was still not doing enough with the baby she also said she noticed that I have been doing more with the housework but she also said I was still not doing enough.

She then went on to say that she had been so unhappy in our marriage over many years that she will never be coming back to me she wanted to make this as clear as possible so I stop hurting myself ....I really did not realise just how unhappy she had been it must have been terrible living with me for her to feel like this.

She then said if we had not had the children then she would have left me a long time ago

So now I have to decide what happens next

Do we cohabit live together in a loveless relationship indefinitely for the children neither of us want to be 3.5 day parents I know if we sell and move into smaller houses the financial implications will be huge .....she feels she will be able to get a 3 day live in nanny job paying arround £200 per day so she feels that if she works on the days that I have the kids then she will not struggle so much I think that theese jobs are few and far between but we will see.

She said she hopes that I meet someone else someone that can give me the love that I want she says that she is not looking for another man and that I have put her right off that idea.

I do not want to be away from my children so I am really not sure what will happen now

Thank you for your support but I believe that my W has firmly made up her mind about this and I do know her.... she rarely if ever changes it once it is made up.

Thank you

Gary

[Azzork]

Azzork

How long does it take for me to change I know I have been changing with what I have been doing arround the house and the things that I hqve been doing for the kidsbut I know that right now she does not believe my changes I inow I need time

you've been married 17 years. You've been here less than a month. I don't think your sample size is large enough to suggest permanent change to your wife. Especially if you've been down this road before.

I do not know if moving home is the answer I just want to give her space and stop my pain I do not know if moving home will be the answer
how does moving home stop your pain? The only way to stop the pain is to feel better about yourself. Get yourself a life. Make changes you can be proud of. You'll see that the pain is still there, but it's more of a dull ache than sharp pangs.

I know I somehow have to move on why does moving on feel like giving up giving her space how does that not equate to her going out and dating and moving on without me
who's telling you to move on? Nobody is saying to go out and start dating or anything like that. You still want this relationship, right? But you are being told that you have to live your life for YOU. You can't live through the lens of married Ghost anymore.

I am so so sorry for keep going on about this

Sorry

Gary

[ATPeace]

Thank you azzork

From my previous,post I am now ready to GAL,

My wife says I am crowding her and that since asking to S I have been arround her all the time I do not see it like that however if this is how she sees it then I want to go almost full non contact I lwill still be polite but I am going to initiate anything ufn

I will give her the space she wants

Thank you

Gary

[ATPeace]

Does the above sound right I don't want to come across as cold but I think if I stop asking her to do anything then she can decide if we do anything together hopefully this will give her the space she needs

[ATPeace]

I realise I have to GAL AND MOVE ON

this has been the advice that has been given for a long time

And I need to accept that things are over I do not want to move to my parents house I feel this will be a backwards step

I do not think my changes will be enough for her but then I am making the changes for me so we will see what time brings

My W wanted to go for a walk today so I knew we would possibly end up talking she she said that she could see that I had been upset erlier and did not want me to keep getting upset as this is hurting her.

she said she could see that I was making an effort to be arround for the children more but felt that I was still not doing enough with the baby she also said she noticed that I have been doing more with the housework but she also said I was still not doing enough.

She then went on to say that she had been so unhappy in our marriage over many years that she will never be coming back to me she wanted to make this as clear as possible so I stop hurting myself ....I really did not realise just how unhappy she had been it must have been terrible living with me for her to feel like this.

She then said if we had not had the children then she would have left me a long time ago

So now I have to decide what happens next

Do we cohabit live together in a loveless relationship indefinitely for the children neither of us want to be 3.5 day parents I know if we sell and move into smaller houses the financial implications will be huge .....she feels she will be able to get a 3 day live in nanny job paying arround £200 per day so she feels that if she works on the days that I have the kids then she will not struggle so much I think that theese jobs are few and far between but we will see.

She said she hopes that I meet someone else someone that can give me the love that I want she says that she is not looking for another man and that I have put her right off that idea.

I do not want to be away from my children so I am really not sure what will happen now

Thank you for your support but I believe that my W has firmly made up her mind about this and I do know her.... she rarely if ever changes it once it is made up.

Thank you

Gary

Hi can anyone give me some feedback on this post please

[Ontheup]

Ghost

there's nothing to save here. Your marriage as you knew it is dead in the water. Stop blaming yourself for that. A marriage is 50/50. She could have spoke up at any time over the years to tell you how unhappy she was.

She has told you point blank she wants out so, as before let her have what she wants.
Gain your balls and self respect back. I absolutely promise you when you move on, over time it gets easier and you start to become a better person. In the depths of my darkness 6 months ago I would never have thought it possible. I'm not saying you give up but you need to live your own life. What you are doing right now is not working. Women are not attracted to needy men. end of. They are attracted to confident men.

I would not recommend staying in a loveless marriage for sake of the kids. Its does not work for a million reasons but especially when your wife will meet someone else which rest assured she will. What you going to do then? Be her BFF?

Make a plan, legal advice, financial advice, child care write it down and execute it.

Don't worry about the what ifs, you cant live your life on what if's


as far the bullsh!t your wife is spewing about you meeting someone else and she's off the idea of men blah blah, I heard the same cr@p from mine before I found out about her affair. Just a precautionary tale...