Thread for Prowl #2

[EyeTie]

Prowl, I am going to give you some advice here, take it for what it's worth, but hopefully it will help. You are dealing with a Wayward Wife which is a whole lotta crazier than a Walk Away Wife. I dealt with one, heck, I am still dealing with a Wayward and it's been almost 8 months. You will get through this, you will overcome this, BUT you really need to follow Sandi's rules. I know they are hard, I know they are difficult, but trust me man, they DO work. When my WW left, I was living in our downstairs bedroom like a hermit, throwing up in a bucket from cancer treatments, crying myself to sleep because my family, my career and my life was slipping through the cracks and I couldn't do anything about it.

She's basically told me she should have left the marriage years ago but stayed because she didn't think any man would want her with 6 kids. She's saying she's finding lot of great men that don't care how many kid she has and they are men that she has more in common with and she feels safe with.

Ok, we all know how that made you feel buddy. She knows you are hurt, she knows that you want to make this marriage work, what she is doing here is seeing your reaction to her words. Next time she says something like that do NOT engage her! Do NOT ask her anything. Do not do anything! Just say "Oh, ok" get up and walk away! You are giving her the reaction she wants, she knows when she makes comments like that it's hitting you right in the heart. DO NOT LET HER DO THAT!

She then asked of we did get back together if I could handle her being friends with men she kissed or "done other things with". I told her if she chose us I would deal with that when it came. She said she is unwilling to give up some of the men friends she's made and asked how I would feel if she wanted to do lunch with "OM". I told her I would not be okay with that. I asked her if she would want me having lunch with my EA from my past. She didn't say anything.

Are you serious? I thought you were a cop or something? Do you realize by saying "yes" to that, you are just letting her cake eat? That now she can always say "Well, if things don't work out with Doug, Steve, Jerry, etc, I know I will always have Prowl at home!" The correct answer is "ABSOLUTELY FREAKING NOT! ARE YOU INSANE?" and left it at that! Do you want to be her husband or her gay guy confidant? I mean, really man, have you even read anything here yet?

This morning she have me the whole "we need to start off as friends again, as right now were not even that" I don't like being down graded to a friend. Currently my job may be in jeapordy as I can't focus and have been a mess. She's concerned about that and I think it's the only reason she's being kind today.

Ok, so your life is a mess, your wife is toying with you, you are uncertain about your future. What is one thing that you can focus on? How about your job? You put the hours into getting where you are in life, why would you let your WW ruin that for you? All she is going to do is use it as ammo down the road! "Oh, Prowl, I would consider getting back together with you, but you got fired and are homeless." You need to GAL (Get A Life) Prowl, you NEED To focus on something other than your WW. Focus on the job! Focus on the career! Focus on your future without her!

I've been laying down all day and just listening to my heart pound in my chest. It aches and it hurt. My whole body hurts. I just wish she would love me enough to want to come back. That I meant enough to save our marriage. I don't feel very worthy of anything right now.

And in her eyes you are not! You are a neutered man in her eyes. Would you want to be with someone who has been crying, moping, etc for the last month? I am not trying to be a jerk, because I did the SAME THING! BUT you have got to snap out of it!

I look at my WW like a parasite. She feeds off the negativity in my life so she can make excuses to anyone who will listen on why she left. "Oh, Eye-Tie cries all day because he misses me, he also lost his job and hides in the basement away from everyone (these were all things she had said about me, sound familiar?)!" But guess what? I read Sandi's rules, I talked to people on these boards, one day she came home and I was dressed nice and said "Hey, great, you are here, I will be back later (we were in separate bedrooms by then)" and went out the door. Know where I went? To a movie by myself. You know what is only sadder than that? Eating dinner by yourself (which I also did), you know what was even worse? I ordered an entree to go AND bought an extra movie ticket. Know why? We had a joint bank account, I knew she would look. Guess what it looked like? It looked like I went out on a date. Know what I told her when I got home? NOTHING! Even when she asked, I just smiled and didn't say anything!

Soon I started looking for a church, found one with a great support group, I started finding new hobbies, I focused on my kids, etc. Don't get me wrong, I miss my wife. BUT I don't miss being married to who she has become. But whenever I do, I immediately find something else to do to get my mind off of it.

You have GOT to GAL, put the best foot forward and focus on you, Prowl. This is what people have been saying to you for a while now, buddy.