So, it's Monday. A new day, a new week, all kinds of good things on the horizon!
At least, this is what I'm telling myself.
Went to my first day of technical training for the new job today. I'm torn - I love the company, the culture, and the people. But the job itself? I hate. It's really more technical and requires more troubleshooting, setup, and break down than I was led to believe. I won't like it. I don't even think there is enough room in my car for the equipment. I'm also quite frankly convinced I'm going to screw up at some point and find myself looking for another job!
But... on the bright side... there are other opportunities with the company that I might find more appealing, and I just need to find a safe way to explore them. Better still... there might be an opportunity with this company to develop a sponsorship relationship with the program I've been working on the past two years to get into schools. In fact, I had been hyper-focusing on that project in April and launched a whole new version of it just two days before BD. At that point, I felt sucker punched in the gut and couldn't get myself motivated to do much of anything.
I'm also considering going back to school. Not sure exactly for what, counseling maybe. After all the loss I've suffered in my life, and especially right now, I feel I ought to find the good in it and help others. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon enough.
My saintly mom wants me to come stay with her if I go back to school. We'd make great roommates actually, and I wouldn't be so lonely. Her house is such a peaceful place to be, perfect for healing and studying and writing. But it would be an hour and a half away from the city where I am now, and just as far from the kids. They probably wouldn't mind my being that distant - because it's really not that far. But their mom might.
I also confess that I had to filter that possibility through this lens: does moving in with my mom make me look more appealing to my W, or less? Is moving an hour and a half away from my WW something that will help move me toward the goal of R, or away from it? Will absence and distance make the heart grow fonder, or help her completely forget me? Does going back to school make me look stronger to her? Should I even be thinking about these sorts of things, or just go with what I think is best for me?
Yeah, well. As much as I'm working on detachment, I'm clearly not detached enough not to think about those things. This thread, much like my life, will be a work in progress.
Onward...
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
