Your post is almost exactly the same as mine I could be re reading my posts here
The only difference is at the moment my W is happy to stay in the same house I guess for stability of the kids and I think she know t is going to be very expensive moving
We have been in separate beds in different rooms since she dropped the B it is strange saying good night to her and then going upstairs as she stays d/stairs in the office that we are converting to a bedroom ...my junk pso I guess I have to move it .
Detaching is very difficult I will not kid you I have been her for a couple of months and the help you get is fantastic sometimes you will fight against it believing that you ha the answers but in my experience so far eveyting I have tried has not worked find things ro do to take your mind off this
I am so sorry you are here but you are amongst manŷ people who really care
Speak again
Gary
Thanks. it does help to hear from someone in a similar situation. however the hardest part right now is that my W wants to get into separate houses asap. you are lucky that yours realized that she can't handle the financial burden of being in her own house and she agreed to just have separate bed rooms. I would give anything for that. I would be able to breathe again. I think I could do pretty well following the 37 rules and all that if we were under the same roof and I wasn't stressing about finances, and I would have more of an opportunity to show her I am changing. So I feel like the "moving out" thing is something I am really holding out against. But maybe the answer is, since she feels so strongly about it, I have to let it go. maybe I will lose the house because of this. but what can i do... I can't make her stay, and if I really fight it then the lawyers will get involved and it will go south fast and I think there will be zero chance to reconcile.
we were at a marriage counselor today and the counselor suggested some 3rd options, like keeping the house as shared and each of us alternating each week, who lives here with the kids. Someone also suggested building a small 2nd house on the property..... but I tell you she keeps saying "I just need to get into my own space where I can make my own decisions and be my own person...." and she doesn't want to compromise. She just wants out, and the sooner the better, for these reasons: --Once we get under two roofs, I will realize this is over and I will stop wanting her back. --the kids won't have a long drawn out process of separating. do it quick, get it overwith (i completely disagree here, I think the kids will be better off with a slower transition so they have a chance to process and prepare). --she will be able to stop feeling guilty every time she sees me (out of sight, out of mind... geesh!)
so i think if i follow the idea here, I have to stop resisting the move out.
Before you talk about how lucky he is, have a read through his threads and you can see how hard it is to detach and stop pursuing when you actually live with someone. Change is not easy; and it's especially difficult while you're living with someone trying to leave.
