Uncertain and vexing times - must stay on DB point

[t33]

Hi V,

Thanks for checking in. Yes, things have been incredibly difficult. Even worse is I feel like I'm failing on the DB front and I can't for the life of me figure out how to continue with the WW rules and still keep life moving.

So, the bottom line is, my family moving abroad in January. It's happening one way or another and we've got to start making arrangements. All that being said, my W has said she's going with us. We talk about it sometimes, and other times we don't. Sometimes she is very excited, and other times she's trepidatious of if she may choose not to come. Last week she came back from drinks and basically said she was definitely coming with us, and that we would stay married, but for all intents and purposes we wouldn't be truly married. She then said she wants me to date and have fun - though she was adamant she wasn't dating anyone (apparantly ignoring the A that had happened). When I asked why, she said so I could experience all the things I missed out on since we got together so young. I said I didn't miss out on anything, and while I'm married, I'm not dating. In any case, that conversation ended abruptly as I still try very hard not to have big R talks.

Friday we had a really nice time together and at one point while she was excited about moving she said something to the effects of, "you know, it's going to take a long time before I fall back in love with you". I said something like "I know, that's why we shouldn't put timetables on things and just take things day by day and see where it goes."

I realize all of this is 0% of what she says and it's her confusion and seesaw of emotions.

I'm trying to stay PMA, though I've struggled a few times this past week - I'm just so exhausted. I can't believe it's been jus less than 3 months since this whole disaster began - it feels like a year.

I'm just frustrated by trying to keep up with DB and the WW rules when we have to make plans for the kids, we have to make plans for the move, in theory we have to move forward and try and let things happen. I'm afraid she's going to end up backing out of the move at the last moment if she freaks out over something and then it's going to be a cluster dealing with the kids. I'm afraid there will be an OM2 if I don't DB this correctly. I'm afraid she'll end up just wanting to co-parent and be roommates and not try and bring love back into our relationship.

It's hard and I don't know what to do. What I have been doing is continuing to try and GAL. I've been going out once a week with a different friend. Though she knows who it is (when she asks, I don't feel right ignoring and keeping it mysterious). I took the kids out over the weekend for half a day while she stayed at home and re-arranged their room. 180 wise, I'm continuing to limit my hours and be open to fun and different things. I just feel like I'm not DBing in the most effective way, but I'm not about to bluff and risk her not moving. There's just so much time between now and then...