She's basically told me she should have left the marriage years ago but stayed because she didn't think any man would want her with 6 kids. She's saying she's finding lot of great men that don't care how many kid she has and they are men that she has more in common with and she feels safe with.
She then asked of we did get back together if I could handle her being friends with men she kissed or "done other things with". I told her if she chose us I would deal with that when it came. She said she is unwilling to give up some of the men friends she's made and asked how I would feel if she wanted to do lunch with "OM". I told her I would not be okay with that. I asked her if she would want me having lunch with my EA from my past. She didn't say anything.
This morning she have me the whole "we need to start off as friends again, as right now were not even that" I don't like being down graded to a friend. Currently my job may be in jeapordy as I can't focus and have been a mess. She's concerned about that and I think it's the only reason she's being kind today.
I've been laying down all day and just listening to my heart pound in my chest. It aches and it hurt. My whole body hurts. I just wish she would love me enough to want to come back. That I meant enough to save our marriage. I don't feel very worthy of anything right now.
BD Oct 2014 S Dec 2014 D filed Feb 20, 2015 D on hold as money ran out for attorneys and the marital home's future is up in the air
