I was shocked to get the letter and see how much of a donation they asked for...
LOL.... yeah they sprung that one on us during the weekend, its not 'required' but I looked at it as ... ok if this saves the M I will send it in ... beats the price of a divorce.
Originally Posted By: Squiggy
Aside from that, I'm looking forward to it. I hope to be able to get a few things off of my chest and moved forward. Still curious about what all will be covered, since I've read different reports of the weekends.
Curb that thought ... its not set up that way. Do not go into this thinking you will be able to vent and scream your hurts .... those are a known. What its aimed to do is to set the ground work for you and yours to communicate clearly. Just go in open minded. I have found its the stuff AFTER that weekend, where you start chipping away at the issues.
Originally Posted By: Squiggy
It was another good weekend for us. Long story short, we did a bit more talking. Figured out finances a little bit as well. Worked together as a parenting unit where we backed each other up. Even when she was crabby one day, I just offered any help she needed and then let her be instead of trying to fix it.
From a Former Mr Fixit ...nice.... You can be there and listen .. do not pull out your tool box till she asks you to.
Originally Posted By: Squiggy
I started losing my patience with S5, who was throwing a tantrum in the bathtub and splashing water out, and walked out. She started looking at me like she was expecting an old reaction, and I shocked her by saying I needed to take a quick break from him to cool off. She promptly went in and helped.
Four things shocked me, in a good way. 1. She had the ring I bought her on our honeymoon on her ring finger and was trying to get me to put mine on (I did, but not all the time). 2. She searched me out when I went to the bedroom to work on some things on the laptop, got interested in what I was doing, then cuddled with me. 3. I was in the corner of the sectional relaxing when she sat next to me and then cuddled up against me. 4. We were walking into a store, and she grabbed and held my hand as we walked in.
I'm listening very much so to her feedback on things I'm doing. Fortunately, a lot of it I'm not even thinking about when I'm doing it. Here's a short list of things that seem to have the good feelings affect on her:
-Opening doors for her -Cooking or helping her cook -Doing the dishes -Folding laundry -Giving her the random compliment -Making her smile/laugh -My relationship with S5
I could go on, but there is a trend, which I recognized, to the things she responds to. Her primary LL is Words of Affirmation, and her secondary is Acts of Service. I used to be great at those in the start of our R. Since I've let go, started and started doing a lot of work on myself, I have gone back to that. She pointed these out today in TMs, and I had to tell her it's just who I am now; I didn't even think about them.
She is acting very happy and does not want to leave when the weekend ends. S5 moved back officially this past weekend. W moves back this next weekend. One thing that I know I need to work on is trust. That has got to be the hardest part of it all. I know she says she is happy. She acts happy. She is ready to go to Retrouaville. Tons of "Us", "We", "Our" use and future talk. She is taking ACTION to come back to the marriage: last day at her job is this Friday, put in her notice at her apartment, scheduling a moving van rental, etc. BUT I am constantly in a state of questioning her motives. It's on the top of my list of work to do, other than keep doing what appears to be working.
The trust thing is tough ... one I am working on at the moment and hit a pretty good breakthrough last week. Ironically the 3rd Post Session for Retrouvaille is on Trust and Forgiveness .... alot of good came out of that session.
