Well, I slept pretty well, and not feeling nearly as down this morning as I was yesterday. Been thinking about some of WW's complaints and realized that one of her big ones was she felt ignored and not loved. And I can see how she might have felt that way, even though it was never my intention. Given that, is going dark or dim the best way to handle my sitch? She's still with OM, so maybe that is the way to handle it, but I am worried that maybe it comes across as more of the same. Although I certainly don't want to enable her cake eating, as that's what I did for the first few weeks, trying to be her BFF, and I didn't feel it was helping me at all. She had everything she needed, with no motivation at all to want to patch things up with me romantically. Has anyone had a similar sitch and successfully navigated out of the storm?
dwh
Just read up on your sitch a bit .. and looks like a few of the bulbs that you need to go on are starting to flicker. To answer your question .... I had a W totally in love with OM, like you was a time she wanted to share with me their R in order for me to shed light on things for her ... ya know because I knew her so well .... not that I was her H.
I have navigated through that, I am not there yet but I can say the A is and has been over, she has showered me with ILY's all that. Is our M rock solid and all good ...no .. not yet ... its going to take alot of work.
Here is what I see in your sitch, V and Sandi are amazing LISTEN to them, go back and re-read what they are trying to tell you. You need a plan ... pulling the $$ was a good move.
#1 you need your respect back, not only from your WW ... but yourself. You have to look at that fella in the mirror and absolutely love him. I named this guy Cali 2.0 ... he was who rose out from the ashes of all this crap.
#2 As you are ... be the best father you can be ... regardless.
#3 As far as the going dark/dim issue with your sitch. I too got the "you neglected me card" ... all you can do is own your past mistakes with "I would do alot of things differently" card ... and leave it at that ... but you do not reward her wayward behaivior by sittin at the table begging for scraps ... GAL and do YOUR thing .. she fired you remember? Do not cake feed, let her hit rock bottom and come to grips with what a mistake she made, you are the prize ... a man only a fool would leave.
#4 as Sandi said ... Until there is remorse and the "I will do whatever it takes to fix this M" ... stay your course. Just like the front line in BraveHeart with the Calvary bearing down on them .. HOLD.
My sitch is going on about 2 years now .. but to be honest I am thankful ... because NOW I have a voice and a chance at a M where we BOTH can be happy in. For some time it was all about getting 'her' back .. then I realized .. the 'her' she was .. I did not want. Who would want a woman who had her sights on bolting out and leaving her family? So not only did I let her go .. I got to a point I opened the door for her and let her run .... when she tired out, she came back on MY terms ... not out of punishment .. but out of things I needed in the M all along.
One thing in all this .. Stasky said it and I have yet not seen it to be true .. the WW will continue to be waywardy until she feels she is losing the LBH ... so as long as you are on the porch waiting for her to come home she never will ... when you finally decide to live your life and do your thing ... actually DO IT rather than fake it ... when her actions no longer affect you and your life ... then you might see a change like I did.
She has to respect you as a man before anything will change.
