Need advice for a WW who left

[sandi2]

Are you saying that the usual DB techniques don't apply in this situation? I've been working on hard on GAL and identifying my part in the breakdown of the M, and then taking steps to correct my own issues. I still think that those are critical for me and my boys regardless.

That depends on what you refer to as the "usual DB techniques". MWD tells us to do what works. I am simply trying to inform you of what does and does not work in a stitch with a WW.

By all means, please GAL......big time! And yes, correcting any personal issues you may have, b/c that is part of self improvement. However, if you see correcting your issues as meaning any pursuing type of "work", then it will get you off track b/c it isn't the way to reconcile with a wayward.

But in terms of best way to interact with WW, what are you suggesting? In an effort to answer your questions, let me say the following are things that I will not tolerate from other people:
1) Dishonesty
2) Disrespect
3) Selfishness
4) Actions taken to hurt me or my children

I am suggesting you think about setting boundaries. And when you are thinking on these lines, what would be the consequences for anyone who did not honor these things you will not tolerate?

I would say the same things apply to my M. Funny, as I look at that list, WW has done every one of those.

As far as things I cannot live without:
1) My children and their well-being
2) My integrity
3) Self respect

These are right along the lines I had hoped you would say.

My intent is not to confuse you. I just can't get it all said in one post. So many men take a doormat approach, and you cannot do it with a WW. She has to see you standing tall and enforcing boundaries. And btw, when I say enforcing, I mean that you don't just talk but actually know what will be the consequences of breaking one of your boundaries. Remember, the only adult's actions you can control....are your own.

Think of yourself as proactive, and not of being in a helpless situation (not that you have, just saying). Proactive, however, does not mean you pursue a wayward wife. It does mean you take care of business, your children, yourself, your property & finances and keeping your priorities in order. It means to focus on you getting a life without her involvement. It means to not center your life around her, protect her or provide for her (in terms you normally think of a husband-wife relationship). She has chosen to remove herself from that umbrella that comes within a faithful/honest MR.