In essence split the period into before p1 and after the A p2 started (the split is not before or after BD, that would be for a WAW, a wife who is not wayward and who isn't having an A, an A isn't the reason for a split its about unhappiness, although a WAW may later date)
If W in p1 had a complaint which is valid, for example you ignored her or didn't take her out to dinner from your anniversary, communication was poor, or you didn't brush your teeth.....
Address it yourself, for example someone who drinks too much gives that up, someone who puts work before family changes it. They do that for themselves by using DB, 180s etc.
If WW in p2 has a complaint the 100% rule applies, it is likely not valid. So validate and let WW meet the consequences of her actions. You are validating feelings not behaviours. So if WW for example brings OM to your home that is unreasonable if it breaches your boundaries. The list you describe are boundary breaches. More on boundaries later. Close WW down on OM as fast as you can. If after this all you hear is spew, and ranting and petulance then you can withdraw.
It's about keep WW like a friendly neighbour, the path home is smooth. Some describe the lighthouse strategy being a strong beacon for the wayward but holding your ground.
Some actions by another are so damaging there is little you can do, they are physical or emotionally abusive. So in essence Dwh you learn what your core boundaries are and whether another person has stepped over them. Boundaries are the areas that are really important to you which another breaches.
Al Turtle describes us as a fort with walls, the invading army may send arrows or troups over the walls using behaviours that are inappropriate. (Al is a psychologist for teenagers and I found his explanations very useful, it's google able he has an Internet presence) The behaviours of others which are so damaging require enormous strength to repel. Other actions are less damaging and cause little damage, you wouldn't get out the cannons for a small infringements but you need an army for large ones.
For success stories try Mozzas thread he keeps lists there and they are very encouraging. Remember DB is for you.
It is very early in your sitch to be despondent. The core here is if something doesn't work change it. You will only know after a couple of months with some strategies.
I like your response on the kids and the food issue, leaves WW responsible but the kids don't go hungry. I really like it.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 07/27/1508:02 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
