Luke, I cannot begin to imagine what it is like having to deal with an STD. Really..that just suckks.
And I would be surprised if you weren't guarded. We do have to tend to our hearts in a way we didn't do before.
I used to write about my walls. Had them all my life. They were my comfort zone after a lifetime of having to learn to protect myself. They were how I got through my childhood.
One of the most important things I learned is that while they were great at keeping things out, they also stopped things from getting in.
At some point, we have to let go and trust ourselves and what we have learned.
You cant do anything about whether or not the "old" wife comes back, right? So fearing that doesn't serve you well.
You are just in charge of keeping yourself where you want to be, yea?
I'm glad you're hopeful, Luke. There really is always hope until you decide there isn't.
Moving forward happens in fits and starts sometimes. As long as it is pointing in the right direction and not behind us...it's all good.
