Hey! I want in on the sloppy drunk stuff and the circus...oh wait, what am I saying?
Lol ... sloppy drunk monkey stuff ... oh the visuals that gave me
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
Luke, you are ok in my book. You have walked this with honesty and courage. You looked all the cr@p in the face and are working through it.
I can totally understand about the physical part and the STD. Who the heck wants to have to think about that?
My xh slept with his OW on our 25th wedding anniversary. Man, that hurt.
But he did what he did. Could he have chosen differently? Hel!z yea, but, he didn't.
25th .. yeah .. that would sting I have no doubts ... ouch
Yeah .. we continue to talk about this, more in the light of what it means NOW, not so much tying it into the A .. as I do not want to 'live' there, and have really not thought about it as much lately. I said something along the lines of 'it's not your fault' meaning the frustration I was feeling at that time wasn't.....as I am dealing with a road block and how that effects our intimacy...She needs one last test in SEP just to make sure the STD is all we have to deal with and its not anything 'else'.... so we can not really 'do anything' until this time, and she actually did say it was totally her fault, the A was wrong and if she could take it all back she would. This shocked me a bit as I was not even thinking along those lines and discussed this with her after. But the gravity of how serious this can impact people/families has been weighing very heavy on her as of late ... the fog is lifting and what is under is plain scary.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
I realized that whatever happened with her couldn't taint the years we had together. What we had was real. It was based on love and a commitment. Whatever happened between them had nothing to do with me really.
She didn't have anything that I didn't have. But I sure had stuff she didn't. She didn't have my integrity, honor or strength. She didn't matter.
I understand the hurt you feel from the affair. I decided during all of it that allowing myself to continue to hold onto all those feelings was weighing me down. It was stopping me from moving forward. I was giving her my power.
You are getting to where you need to be. Allowing those feelings to wash over you more and more.
It helps to remember that she wasn't doing that TO you. She was trying to fix herself.
W told me the other day that she has never felt as close to me as she did 'now' Again... surprised as to be honest I do not feel the same, I feel we have a long way to go ... is it the hurt and pain I felt .. partly .. and partly because I am still watching her work, detached but hopeful, yet ... yes guarded. Not because I am worried about OM or anyone else ... more concerned about M1.0 returning along with W1.0 if that makes any sense. OM is just a POS not really worthy of any of my energy but the after effects have been around as of late ... just more trash that needs to be taken out and I think by the time she gets screened we can begin to move past that chapter a bit more. I think I have let go of that affair hurt more and more ... does it sting .. sure .. but not like it did, I suspect its just getting through the process. W wanted me to watch this movie with her yesterday, I sat down and we started watching ... about an hour in the female character was having sex with all these random guys (yes she was married) I simply got up and went to the balcony to read ... W asked me to come back and told me she found a better movie. I was actually happy I did not spin ... just did not want to watch crap like that.
Again uR .. you have been a Godsend through all this ... Monkey Drunkeness awaits.
