H still physically distant. In the middle of the night I woke up and couldn't sleep. I began to get angry with him. I started to think of him as being half in and half out. He partly did some things to look like he is interested in fixing things, but he is not 100%. If he were 100% these are some additional things he would do- He would have said first thing on the phone Friday : sorry for not answering when you called, I got caught up in xyz at work. He would tell me who he was wrtting to whenever he is taping crazily at his phone. He would not bring his phone into the bathroom & remain in the bathroom for 30-45 min w/ phone. He would call throughout the day and check in. He would communicate his schedule (when he plans to go in & leave work)
Yesterday, he was so careful to communicate all these phone calls/texts that he was making on his on call work phone. He was on call & I knew he'd have to deal w/ work stuff this weekend. But I just wanted to say- I do not think you would be so stupid as to call/text with OW on your work phone that is monitored by your work! Why are you not that way with your personal phone? Now granted, he is not getting calls & texts on his personal phone but he is typing plenty on it. Last night (when I woke up & couldn't go back to sleep) something vibrated. Could have been his phone or his watch. Could have been his phone vibrating something weather related or some other random thing. But it could also be a message from OW and that thought is what keeps me from sleeping. He could have easily just said- it was xyz.
So last night I was just thinking- he must not want me to feel safe in this relationship. And the fact that he withdraws when mess up how I ask him a question (being more accusatory than I intended) & "punishes" me.
The
Hope .... where do you live? Wait do not answer that ... because you do not live in a state, a county nor a house/apt/condo ... you live in your H's head .... 24/7
He does this that , his him ... see how I picked out all the H's up there??? STOP OBSESSING it will drive you mad.
Can you control your H? No .... but looks like you sure as heck are going to try and this will do what ... yup .. send H running for the hills, now if thats your plan then by all means go for it .. but if you would like your H to come into the M willingly you are going to have to back off and allow him to decide on his own free will to do so, you can not 'trick' him into it .. nor can you demand him to ... God gave us all free will and sometimes its a real tough nut to crack.
DETACH...GAL...180...PMA ... focus on the small stuff and take some small steps, try to remember "Is this about me, or H" ... only focus on the parts about you for now.
