Always good to read your texts. I will keep sending texts to her and emails using her name.
I am trying so hard to be cordial and polite, sometimes I am better at it than others, but I am aware that I get further with her when I am polite. So that is the goal. Inside however, I am still crushed and deeply wounded by her behaviors.
I saw Train Wreck with a friend yesterday. Urgh, so full of gratitious sex and the tired story line of how when we are young we all go through that but when we become adults and aware, we settle down, realize that life partnerships and family are what counts. It made me really uncomfortable to watch it.
How is it that my W does not get this? She is so happy and smug to just flush us all away and turn into a teenager with no thoughts to her actions. Is that what all of this is to her - just the sex. "It is the passion" that is missing from our marriage is the latest message I got for why she dumped our marriage. Our marriage was never challenged in that area. We talked about many many times how good that aspect was.
OK - so we broke up. But the manner of how it all went down was unspeakably cruel. How many people she lied to, how many lies she told me and our kids, her famuily. I don't think I will ever be normal and trusting of people again.
So, I woke up this morning thinking again how I can do this, I will make it happen, how I can be the strong one for me and my kids. I have to, not my choice but it's my reality.
Stockdale Paradox front and center of my thoughts today.
