Need advice for a WW who left

[dwh15]

I'm not sure I want the time I'm doing it to be when she's had a fight with OM. I already decided next time that happens I need to stay out of it let her figure it out without any help from me.

Actually, she wants someone to lick her wounds and tell her what a great person she is and how OM is nuts to let her slip through his fingers. It's not that hard to see her turning to the one she's been M to all these years. But a WW has narcissistic characteristics, and the LBH would do well to remember she is not turning to him out of love.

Even if WW and OM broke up, it would not fix the M. She would use you to secure her a place to stay, etc., until something else caught her eye. She though all she had to do was throw a ILY and that's all it would require for her to pick up where she left off in the home. However, her wayward nature was not ready to give up OM. Be thankful she didn't move back home and then go back to OM.

Great feedback Sandi, and I agree completely. In my case WW was definitely wanting me to tell her how great she was (which I did) and how OM would be crazy to let her get away (which I did NOT). I was doing my best to boost her self esteem, while not encouraging that she return to him. It was a desperate play on my part, and one that I will not repeat. The next time (and I'm sure there WILL be a next time) I'm not taking the bait. It's really hard to not comfort her, but I realize it's not doing me any good.

The thing I am proud of is that I never did agree to let her move back in, and in fact told her it was not a good idea, would be unfair to the kids and to me. But I did agree to help her figure out something, which I'm thinking was also a mistake. This is her mess, and I believe I have to let her deal with the fallout when things go badly with OM. She has to feel the consequences. Only when she's totally over with him and realizing how hard and different life is really going to be without either him or me in it, will we have any chance to try and work on our M.

One last thing. Noticed a couple of nights ago that WW posted a status on FB that simply said "Don't judge my life by the chapter you walked in on." It was made around 2:30am, which is VERY late for her, as she gets up at 7am most days. I know it's mind reading, but seems like she may have been having a hard time sleeping and is trying very hard to justify her decisions.