hold on! - 11

[u-turn]

Thanks Vanilla,
I had a great long reply on friday written, and it seems that I killed another computer (a borrowed one this time) while I was finishing it up - so it was gone (I think it was pretty thoughtful too).

But anyway - I have tried to record some interactions over the weekend without much luck. (frankly this annoys me and shows me that I do not want to live like that - always gathering evidence - I am so tired of all of that). But I can see that a lot of her angry spew actually describes her. I wish I could have seen that before.

I am sorry to hear about what you had to deal with. That is heartbreaking.

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I have finished the initial paperwork for my L and am delivering that to him this week - early this week I presume.



I have some questions that were part of my lost post (and sorry if this is such a disconnected post, but I am on a borrowed computer and pressed for time on it):

This action seems so much like ME blowing up my family - How can I possibly get over this? I do not see any other outcome, but it comes down to my action that will make this happen.

This has been bothering me too - how should I notify WW about this?
--should I have a conversation about this - going over the why, how much this hurts, how I wish things were different? Explain it all one last time? This would be for me, not to change the situation.

--should I just have her served?

--other options?

I don't want to create more drama, but I don't want to be perceived as an a-hole or a coward. So I don't know how to achieve all of this.

Note: I also feel like a bit of a failure here too. With this being a pro-marriage forum, I have lost it, and maybe have just turned into a WAH. This really bothers me and I feel like, though I have grown and learned and improved, I have not achieved my goal, and I have wasted everyone's time here. I do appreciate all of the help that I have received from this fine group - I wish I was as wise to help others.

Thank you for being with me.