Maybe like many others I find validating in my current circumstance very difficult.
I really only talk to her over the phone if she calls for some reason to talk about the girls or something.
In these cases I am methodical and really thinking about not arguing and trying to validate. I don't apologize but instead say things like, "I can see how it would seem that way." etc.
The problem, and this might tie into Sandi's rule #19
(19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. This can confuse some of them b/c it is not what they expected. Show your spouse someone he/she would want to be around all the time, somebody that can be attractive and fun to be with. That somebody is you! Don't overkill in your attempts to outshine another person your spouse may be having an A with (if there is OP in the picture) to the point of looking like your attempts are "fake" b/c your spouse will see through all of that.)
is that my WAW says I sound odd or strange. She "wishes I'd just be honest or talk normally."
So I am obviously learning and trying, but it's not coming across in the way it needs to. When I did do it and she said that I sounded odd, I said, "I can only be who I am now or who I want to be, not who I was in the past." Was that the wrong thing to say?
As I continued validating (or what I thought was validating) she seemed to get more emotional. "Do you know how many years I wanted to have a calm conversation?" "Why now? Why when it's too late?" I said I guess I never had a big catalyst before.
So I have my first official mediation meeting in three hours. I am already feeling the butterflies.
Any opinions and or advice anyone wants to offer?
I am planning to stand up for what I need to, be polite but strong, and try to work. I'm in effect giving her what she wants in terms of the divorcing progress, but I am going to stand up for what I believe is mine and my daughter's right.
M36,W34 T18 years M9 years D3,D6 W "doesn't want to be married anymore"6/14/15 ILYBNILWY6/2015 W moves to parents house 6/30/15 W removes wedding band 7/3/15 My ring back on 8/8/15 Served 8/11/2015.
