WAS or what (2)

[roist]

Regarding my last journaling. I still don't know if my real motivation was to end the painful limbo or a tactic to save marriage or both. Regardless after spending the weekend with my boys (& w) I am determined to find the strength to not be the one to split the family. In other words I want to be able to look my boys in the eyes and honestly say I did everything I could to stay together. When / if we get to that point I intend that it is said that it is my W who wants this and not me. This is not a blame game or guilt trip but this is about me standing up for what I believe.

I still would appreciate any views, comments or advice.

In the meantime I am going to try refocus on me in a positive way. I have backslid when thinking about me to focusing on how hard it is, on unmet needs and on uncertainty. I need to focus more on my actions, my changes and my happiness. I'll outline more on that when I have time.

Tomorrow is W's birthday. I got some small stuff but each item us something she mentioned she likes/liked in the last six months. I don't expect any gift will change our situation but it felt good to have listened, and acted upon. This is def something I will carry through to future R. I also got the boys to do a painting for her. That was something fun to do with them and involve them in birthday.