Hi 4, Zeus kindly answered your question to me on changing the dynamics. Also, you are relying on him for things that you will feel annoyed about if he doesn't do them - getting fuel for you. That is something to change. If your car needs fuel, deal with that yourself. I know it was Sunday yesterday and he had the card - but if you think ahead, you can maybe get the cash Saturday and be self-sufficient.
Self-sufficiency is a really good place to aim for - even with these small aread like filling the car. They are baby steps, and they start to erode the fear that you can't cope alone. Because you can, and you will if you need to.
I think you are doing well - posting and listening and trying to put things into practice. Keep on moving forward and you will get there!
Take care, Toots x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
How do I not let my emotions control me! Right now I just want to run away and never look back! There are so many things im sick to death of! I want to be a better person and make my R work but I'm learning very fast it can't be this way! He informed me he is camping with OW on the week we have always take. Vacation it's a week of racing 7 miles from home his you head will still be here Tuesday we'd saturday and Sunday that week I took vacation to go watch but wen he told me I just said ok I'll stay home and watch them as my D will be here also and they are in school that week too! He said he was trying to set something up sor her but I don't believe in dumping them on someone else to take care of especially since all he will be doing is going out to get drunk!!! Add this onto a $hitty day at work and getting stopped for speeding two blocks from my house and all I could do is bawl! I'm sick of being the only one doing housework, worrying about money due to him going out and racing, im sick of being the only responsible one, the only one trying to save this relationship, cooking meals taking care of kids AND dealing with his BS! I have always believed I would never be handed more than I can handle but it's on the brink! I'm also sick of OW coming before the kids! This is not the person I once knew! That person always put kids and ink first was willing to help and was there holding me when I had a bad day! I am sure he thinks I was crying just because he is camping with her and that's not even the problem I expected that it's that my day was crappy and im sick to death of the lack of respect and responsibility! Sometimes I wonder why I am still here living with him fighting for this R and today is one of those days! I did cry in front of him but then he went to get pizza so I came to the park! I need some quiet thinking time! I want to love him the way I used to and have a happy family but is this even possible???? I want to continue improving me but does it matter to him? Do I even have a chance at saving this R?
I will say I was proud when I came home I would usually just take it out on him but I didn't I smoked my cigarette cried on the step went to my room and cried then went on a walk to calm down! That's a huge 180! I'm getting very frustrated with him telling me it's very unlikely we will ever work things out! That he is tired of it and probably won't work it out! Do I believe him?
You know the answer. You simply are hoping he changes so you don't have to. You're terrified of taking responsibility for your situation and are hoping that you can substitute putting up with abuse for taking charge of your life. Doesn't work that way hon.
He isn't going to change if you don't. The answer is to step up so you'll be ok with or without him.
If you change to that point then maybe he'll change too, and maybe something will work out in the future...but that is a big if. And, more to the point, it won't save you from doing the work now because if you don't you'll never give that a chance of happening.
So again, if I absolutely guaranteed he'd never change...what would you do?
NOW DO IT.
Last edited by Zues126; 07/28/1504:16 AM.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Give what a chance? Changing me? What is IF? Are u saying the only way things can change is if I change so Is the if if I can change? Or f he will change also? You are right I am terrified terrified of losing him setting boundaries change all of it! But I HAVE TOO!
From what I have been reading on these boards you are handling this the wrong way. You need to quit worrying about him. You need to take care of yourself. Go out with friends. Who cares if he is stuck watching the kids. Let him deal with it. Don't let him control you or the situation. You have to take charge of this and move on. It doesn't feel right, it against every instinct you have, but it is the only way. He will not come back to you while you are weak. You have to show him you are confident, having fun without him, and do not need him.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
Zeus I found this today and loved it and found it very fitting. It's never too late to start over, If you weren't happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don't stay stuck. Do better.
Zeus. Which answer do I know? I guess I asked a lot of questions! Today I came home from work went out to his work and he was outside. I needed to have him sign a check so I could go pay the car plates/taxes. He looked at me several times but did not come over to the car so i left and text him and said I needed a check signed but no big deal I will just go tomorrow. I did not want to argue about it. Today I woke up to him talking to the cats telling them I did not buy them food. I wanted to yell and say you were in the same town as the store with the card all weekend and did not pick it up not me. But instead he was cooking dinner so I asked if we needed anything from the store. NO reason to argue! He then did not say much at dinner except he was going out to garage. I thought about going out there but then I decided to ask myself what would i do if we were not together. I would not go to garage. So I am sitting in here typing to you guys then showering. Maybe I will go out for a bit just to PMA instead of ending on a bad note again but that is it!I just need to keep plugging away. My goals for today were PMA and no relationship talk. So far so good.
Whyus thanks for stopping by. You are right I should not worry about him I should worry about me. Its so hard though. I am so scared to stop worrying! I know I need to work on it though.
