Coming back from my emotional abuse

[Sotto]

Hi Go, from what I read, it has been difficult for you to really get DBing underway. Your posts are all about you and your W, and you seem to measure things in 'days' rather than the much longer timescales needed.

From what you post, you switched from someone who was doing your own thing - sleeping in and not spending time with the family - to 'super H' - which as you say was probably a bit much. Added to that, you weren't able to make the most of the gifts that S offered as you remained linked to your W and grieving.

For me, I think the questions are all about you - who are you and what do you want? What kind of father do you want to be? What really matters to you in life? You seem to be passing by these opportunities that this difficult situation brings. And I believe this introspection is needed for all of us to have a successful R again - whomever that may be with.

I would suggest you make IC a priority for yourself, and seek to shift the focus from your W to you - at least for a few months. Remove all marital pressure and start to get into your DB groove in respect of your W. Re-read DR and/or DB and truly start to follow the advice. You have missed opportunities in recent months - but so do we all. That's okay, but we need to learn and adjust when that happens.

So, I'll love to see you post some plans that aren't all about your W - but are all about you and DBing for the next few months.

Good luck with everything, Toots :-)