Divorce Busting My Wayward Wife

[HurtJef]

Forgot to add, MIL told me that a bunch of my WWs "customers" all chipped in and gave her a greeting card and a 500 dollar gift card yesterday. "The card said something like, " You have the love and support of your friends during this most difficult time in your life."

That was very nice of them. My MIL tells me that WW plays the victim every chance she gets so this is not surprising. I am sure if these people knew the truth, they wouldn't be so giving......but good for her. I just hope she uses it to benefit the kids, and not herself.

[WhyUs]

Yep mine plays the victim every chance she gets as well.

[HurtJef]

Journaling

Yesterday I dropped off the kids at my WW house and sat and talked with WW a bit. My s6 walked right up to my WW and said that I told them she had a boyfriend. Ugh....I guess that was expected. She looked at me and said "Why would you tell him that? It isn't true."

I explained that S15 asked me about it as well as D8 and I told them the truth.

She started to spew that he is not her boyfriend and that I shouldn't have brought the kids into it. I reminded her that if she didn't want her kids to know then she shouldn't have brought him around while they were there. She said that again, He isn't her "boyfriend" and he came over to see her after the kids went to bed. I told her that it was still inappropriate and that all I did was tell the kids the answers to their questions.

Today she texted me saying that D8 has been asking all kinds of questions about OM and that I am trying to turn our kids against her and that d3 even said something about mommy's "boyfriend"

She asked me how I could do something so damaging to our children.

I am feeling alot of guilt about this now. I am sure that D3 heard the others talking about it. I almost feel like I should have lied to them even though I was told before hand that if they ask me, to be honest with them.

2x4s are welcome but I could use some honest advice

[HurtJef]

She also said that she wouldn't have the OM there when the kids are there anymore. I know it is just to appease me and probably wont hold true.

[HurtJef]

Ok so back to work today! Really missed the kids this weekend. I can't wait to see them tonight when they are with me for the next 3 days.

So aside from the drama this weekend, Saturday, went out and hsd a couple of beers with a buddy, listened to a live blues band. Had a nice time.

Sunday I got up and went to church, cleaned up the basement, did laundry, talked to both my mom and dad. Went for a long walk up to the park.

That reminds me. My WW was telling me the other day that she has noticed all of the GAL activities i have been doing. She actually brought it up and said that It makes her mad that I am doing these things and that I didnt do them before we split. She said she will hate it if someone else will get all the best things about me and she got all the bad parts.

Is this normal? I mean I am not doing these things for her anyways but I was juat windering if anyone else got this type of reaction.

[Defacto]

Jeff,
I'm not sure of the best way to proceed but I think you did the right thing. WW forced the issue when she brought her BF around the children. Everything I've read says it best to wait 6 months before introducing the kids to a new partner. It was irresponsible and inconsiderate of her. I can't imagine lying is a good strategy for talking to your children. But it's probably wise to shield them from the graphic details.

[HurtJef]

Thanks so much for the feedback Def.

I cannot try to control what she does.... I realize that. Thing is, there wasn't even an introduction. The kids just started seeing what they were seeing and going "what the heck?" So they asked me if I knew what was going on. It just makes me sad that she has no respect for the feelings of our kids. Now that it is out in the open....she is denying it and saying that I am trying to turn them against her.

Graphic details were not part of this.

[Sotto]

"I am feeling alot of guilt about this now. I am sure that D3 heard the others talking about it. I almost feel like I should have lied to them even though I was told before hand that if they ask me, to be honest with them.

2x4s are welcome but I could use some honest advice"

I wouldn't feel guilty about this and would merely say to your W that you won't lie to the children about what is happening if they ask you. I think the only thing to bear in mind is age appropriateness and how to handle things differently in terms of older and younger children.

[HurtJef]

Thanks Toots.

Yes I absolutely took into account the age appropriateness. I did not speak to D3 at all and S6 just asked if Mommy was allowed to have a boyfriend. My SD15 and D8 on the other hand both asked tons of questions, some at the same time and mostly separately, and for the reason of age appropriateness is why I separated the conversation.

I don't feel guilty b/c my WW is mad, I feel guilty b/c of the feared damage that it could have on our kids, but I keep telling myself that she initiated this by being indiscrete and inconsiderate to our kids and that I had a duty to tell the truth when asked.

I don't feel better about it though. My WW hasn't spewed at me today so, that's a plus.

Gonna go do GAL with kids tonight...Park..ice cream. Looking forward to it.

[HurtJef]

Journaling,

WW asked me to pick up the kids from her house, so i did. She was still there and being aloof of course. I guess that I need to accept that I have no effect on her any longer. Kids showed me their new bunk beds and the new trampoline.

When we were leaving WW actually went to give me a kiss but stopped herself and said "oops, almost tried to kiss you....habit." And proceded to give me a one armed hug.

It bothered me but I didn't show it. I just laughed. I suppose that I could take it as a positive after this past weekend and move on.....yeah....moving on.

So my kids are home....the house is alive again....gonna make dinner and GAL going to get Ice Cream!!!!!