Jim0987 #14 - due for another upgrade soon

[Zues126]

Hey Jim, good post. I get exactly what you're saying.

You're right, what STBX thinks of you at this point is trivial. What's important is that you ARE changing for YOU. I think about this often. I've changed a lot...but ultimately I can BS everyone on DB, but I have to live with myself, and the R's I create for the rest of my life. Still a long ways to go. That's all that matters, that we stay on this road.

STBX will continue to spin her narrative. Of course you're the immature one. Yeah, because adults walk out on marriages and start shaking up with OM and exposing children to new partners before they can adjust. But you're the bad guy because you tell D you miss her. Pfft. Whatever. Detach and move on.

I know what you mean about feeling left out...it was my house, my dog, on occasion I feel it. Like I've been kicked out of my home, there's a new happy family and I'm peering into the windows at my old life...some type of twighlight zone episode. But not really anymore.

See, in chess they talk about "the space left behind". When your opponent moves a piece in a threatening way it may seem ominous, but while their piece is attacking new squares, it is no longer attacking squares it used to...so often you can take advantage of that.

For me, I'm starting to realize there are benefits to being single again. I still see my kids a lot...but when I'm not here with them I can live like a bachelor. So I get the best of both worlds...single, having fun with my friends and hobbies, reading, whatever...but still being around my children enough to feel I haven't lost my family. And while I don't have STBX anymore, I am cautiously optimistic that I'll have a better partnership with someone in the future. Watch "Louis CK's" bit on Divorce...he talks about how awesome it is for many of these reasons in standard comedic style.

Is this the road I would've chose? Would I prefer being single to being M with a good partner? No. But since I didn't chose it, and have done everything I can to stand by my M...I won't feel even a TRACE of guilt at enjoying the life that I've been given. Zues out.