Toots you said I have a good chance at changing the dynamics? Can you explain further what dynamics I have a good chance at changing? Are you saying I have a good chance at saving my R?
In regards to your backslide earlier you are doing the right thing by being upset with yourself for trusting H rather than him for doing what he does. Fool me once shame on you, twice shame on me. You know what you have now. It's time to plan accordingly. Keeping the bank card is one thing, not having expectations and not letting him run your emotional day is another.
I'm assuming Toots just meant you can control your half of the dance and thus break free of the cycles you find you and your WAH in. That's the "do something different" from DB. But this stuff about saving the M...let it go. I can feel your desperation to find some way to keep the M together. The thing is a M involves two people. You are one person. You can't control WAH. So there is nothing you can do to bring him back. That is up to him.
What you can do is become a W only a fool would leave so that he may choose to return, if he does you have a shot at a decent M, and if he doesn't you are in a position to enjoy your life on your own.
So the question is- if you KNEW 100% that your M would never recover- could you find joy in your life?
This isn't easy, but I reminded myself when WAW left...if I have three healthy children, a place to live, a good job, good friends, passions I enjoy and gifts to share with the world...and I look up at the sky and tell God that I find the life he's given me completely unsatisfactory because I didn't get the M I wanted...well, that's very unappreciative. If I can't be grateful for the life I have, how is adding a woman going to change that?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
