Hello

[714Dad]

so my first official mediation meeting is tomorrow. i filled out the forms as best i could, but a lot of the information is online and i don't have the accounts or passwords to look stuff up. it is mostly a few small savings accounts that i know about, so if they don't come up tomorrow i can at least mention them.

still wondering if anyone has any advice. i plan to look official, wear a tie like last time, and stand up for stuff. so i'm really looking for suggestions on behavior, how much validating language i should use and all that.

i am going to make lots of solid eye contact (at least on my end), the idea being to project confidence.

it just rattles me on how determined she is to "get out" of this marriage.

i am still working on detachment. some days are much better than others. it comes in waves and is really annoying. it's like now that she left i have time to do all these things... but a lot of the things i would have done or wanted to do are things i would have loved to have done with her. kayaking again, backpacking, camping, etc. all the things we used to do that fell away as time passed by.

i'm not doing these things to impress her or get her back, but it is so frustrating to finally have the time to think of all things to do with/for her that i used to put aside because of the kids or the house, but now she's gone. the irony is laughable.

as far as GALing, i went to a new church this morning. it's a large and very active church with a huge youth population. the idea being that I will have my girls half the time and it would provide a good social environment for them. it also opens up more social groups for me to be involved with, so that's a plus.

i still feel like i'm in a fog so much.

like, how is this happening, how can an 18 year relationship dissolve in a month and a half?

how can she be so determined to end this?

how horrible does she remember me being to justify this breakup?

how can she remember 18 years as almost entirely bad?

why does she need to "experience life on her own?"


as you can see the detachment is going really swell.