One thing was the fear of being unlovable or that you don't love yourself, and that is just it, I have not learned to love myself, quite the opposite. If I can't love myself, then I am not allowing other people to love me, and I can't love other people. I am learning to love myself, and there is so much to learn, and it will take time. It was hard for me to talk to people, make eye contact, keep a conversation going, meet new people, things like that. I am reading a lot about Buddhism, and it feels like it was the something really missing in my life, I have never been into any religion because the dogma always turned me off. So I am doing things like smiling more, looking at the things I do have and being grateful for them, connecting more with people, coming from a place of love, compassion for myself and others. It is a long process to change, but I am doing it. I don't find myself dwelling in my past so much as far as what i have done to myself, but when it comes to my wife, all I want to do is tell her how sorry I am, and let her know that for the first time I truly get it. I still very much hope that day comes and its because she wants to be with me too. I am reading the Art of Happiness, and that is what i want to be, happy.
Last edited by help67; 07/26/1506:30 PM.
Me:47 W:47 D:12 T:27yrs. M:17yrs. S:10/14 Wife wants legal sep., which can be divorce after 1 yr. om b 7/15 but probably a lot longer
