A new thread - My W's OW, the Predator

[DifRent]

Journaling - the first time I've seen her in over a week:

Went to brunch this morning with a friend and pulled up afterward to see W's car in the driveway. (How can it be that something that once filled your heart with joy can now fill it with dread?) Hadn't seen her in over a week, so I steeled myself to be as friendly as possible.

Looking painfully thin, she gave me a hug, poured an uncommonly early glass of red wine for herself (from a bottle that's been open for a week, so it must have been more like vinegar), and asked where I'd been since my car was in the garage. Things like this throw her off. She had even made my bed for me and organized things in the MBR.

We sat down and talked for a bit... she asked about the job, said it seemed like I was keeping busy, smiled, "That's good." (See, I think it eases her guilt to imagine I'm having a good and full life without her.) She admitted the work has been overwhelming, almost too much, some things have likely slipped through the cracks.

"But I love it," she insisted. I don't disbelieve her. But I also think she hates a lot of it - especially the uncertainty of it.

I said I was glad things were going so well for her, and she said, "Thank you for everything." "For what?" "Well, you did a lot of work in the beginning and so this success is partly yours." (That's the first time she's conceded any such thing since BD - usually it's more about how I should have just gotten a job.)

Then we discussed more separation issues, such as how the cell phone contract is up soon and we need to get new accounts, more details about splitting up the furniture, when to begin showing this house to potential renters, etc. I cannot pretend to be happy about these discussions, but we got through them without rancor. Then she started going around the house measuring the things she plans to keep, and is now talking with her brother on Skype.

Speaking of which, her sister-in-law texted me on Skype the other night, and we chatted for a while. She was expressing thanks for everything that W and I do to help her family (they immigrated here last year), and it's clear WW has not told them what's going on. Strange - I wonder if they even know she's moving.

Anyway, it's nice that because of my absence and all the GALing this past week, I don't feel like I need to leave or anything this afternoon while she's here. Although, this also feels a bit like cake eating - she's been anxious and pursuing this past week, and now that she knows where I am and I'm in the house with her, she's settled down. Even so, I'm just enjoying being home, and it's even not feeling oppressive having her here right now - I guess because we are not being adversarial. She'll be leaving soon, though, for a home inspection. And the strange dance will begin again...

Having my son over for dinner tonight, then going to bed early. I have a long week of training coming up for the job this week. Trying to get a PMA about it all. If I could do what I really want to do right now, I'd just get in my car and drive... and keep driving.