Well rough start today I backslid and let my anger about him not being responsible enough to at least drop the bank card off so I could get gas. After I calmed down I realized I am not angry with him I am angry at myself for giving him the card knowing at this point he only cares about his needs. I should have done the responsible thing and only gave him x amount in cash so I did not have to rely on him. Lesson learned. I am starting to realize how opposite he is of even the beggining of our relationship this last time. All he cares about is himself and his own needs/wants. The kids and I do not even compare to that. Of course It has usually been all about the kids and I so it is a huge change in his behavior. Also all of this spending extra time with OW is a change but It is probably due to my behavior not changing. So I am doing my best to follow Zeus's thoughts. I think part of my moodiness is stress from the upcoming 20 hours of overtime I am working this week. (I am working an extra 28 hours which is almost double my hours) Plus dealing with this situation and not seeing any immediate changes. I need to learn to let it all go and realize he is not the same person he is in a whole new world far far away!
Thanks sunnyB I like the idea of writting down my fears and what will happen if They do happen. Maybe they will not look so bad if I just take a reality check on them. I just make it worse probably. Thanks for stopping by!
mustardseed thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read! I think my biggest fear is not saving this family. I also realize that it is a guarantee if things do not change. I seem to do good one day and not the next. I guess I also struggle with being only his friend. No matter what happens we will have to be a part of each others lives as his family his my only family. I also feel the pattern is always we become friends and cant live without each other and then we go through this cycle all over again.
Toots you said I have a good chance at changing the dynamics? Can you explain further what dynamics I have a good chance at changing? Are you saying I have a good chance at saving my R?
well I GAL at home today teaching a friend how to coupon. Something I totally enjoy doing. We had a few drinks together. It was so nice. WE are also going for dinner on wednessday. I like this GAL thing!
4 - Been following you since the beginning but I'm just now posting. I'm so impressed by your tenacity and your willingness to learn and adapt, I truly believe that you will walk out of this a changed woman; whether it's with your BF or not, I know you will find happiness.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Minute by minute, day by day. You got this.
Toots you said I have a good chance at changing the dynamics? Can you explain further what dynamics I have a good chance at changing? Are you saying I have a good chance at saving my R?
In regards to your backslide earlier you are doing the right thing by being upset with yourself for trusting H rather than him for doing what he does. Fool me once shame on you, twice shame on me. You know what you have now. It's time to plan accordingly. Keeping the bank card is one thing, not having expectations and not letting him run your emotional day is another.
I'm assuming Toots just meant you can control your half of the dance and thus break free of the cycles you find you and your WAH in. That's the "do something different" from DB. But this stuff about saving the M...let it go. I can feel your desperation to find some way to keep the M together. The thing is a M involves two people. You are one person. You can't control WAH. So there is nothing you can do to bring him back. That is up to him.
What you can do is become a W only a fool would leave so that he may choose to return, if he does you have a shot at a decent M, and if he doesn't you are in a position to enjoy your life on your own.
So the question is- if you KNEW 100% that your M would never recover- could you find joy in your life?
This isn't easy, but I reminded myself when WAW left...if I have three healthy children, a place to live, a good job, good friends, passions I enjoy and gifts to share with the world...and I look up at the sky and tell God that I find the life he's given me completely unsatisfactory because I didn't get the M I wanted...well, that's very unappreciative. If I can't be grateful for the life I have, how is adding a woman going to change that?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
azzork. Thanks so much for your kind words. I really am trying just have to get the hang of it! I greatly appreciate it!I hope you keep following to see how I do and guide me!
Zeus HI! You always ask me the hard questions very greatly appreciated. It is what I need. Unfortunantly I let my anger show towards him though I need to just keep a happy face and realize he is no longer the responsible person I once knew. Come to find out he did not even use the card to get gas yet he has yet to show up home but It is what It is I can not control it. Now I will be very upset if he is not home in time and does not fill my car before gas station closes because then I will have to miss work. He said he would do it so lets see if he follows through. I would do it myself but only one card and he has it and banks closed on sunday.
You are right I need to let it go. I believe it is one of my fears if I let it go and stop trying it will never work and we all know i am scared of that. I need to overcome that fear!
You make a good point. I think I am still in the area where I am not sure how I would feel if I knew 100%. I am sure I would be fine we have been apart before but I also have not felt as happy in other relationships. I am sure I would adjust just seems so scary yet again. I am greatful for healthy kids and all else. I think its a need things now a necessary. I guess the realization just kinda hit me as I am typing this. scary how my mind changes! Thanks again Zeus! I appreciate your help!
4, honey, one day I had a meltdown over a hairbrush. I'm here to tell you, let it go. Let go of the fear, stop being so scared of everything. You'll be so much happier.
