Doing well with most of DB except still too emotional. H is so withdrawn and after days of the silent treatment I just lose it. Although my "losing it" is not as emotional as I used to be, definitely more controlled, but still more emotional than H can handle. I need to be tougher. Made a lot of progress but still more to go.
Pretty sure H has a drinking problem. He is cruel to me when he drinks and after the last episode I could feel a very big shift in my emotions. I am losing respect for him. I feel disgusted by him. I NEVER thought I'd feel that way. That should help me detach, but its more of a withdrawal than detachment. I can't get into specifics in case he ever stumbles across this forum. But he has serious issues that have nothing to do with me. And there is nothing I can do to help him with this, actually anything I do will actually make it worse.
I will continue to work on myself. Continue to GAL. Continue to manage my emotions, and be the best partner I can be. Maybe it will be easier now that I am not feeling "in love" any more, I don't feel desperate any more, just sad for him. I still love him. I still want to make this work. I do not want to be divorced, do not want to break up my family, but you know what? It's not up to me. I will only focus on the things that are up to me.
