Ok, decisions: the statute of limitations on asking me for stuff has run. If he wants it, he takes it in the next two weeks or its mine forever. He fired me from being his wife so he stops treating me like one. For pete's sake, he's been out of the house fifteen months. Whether he has space for it is not my problem.
I just took my blood pressure. First it came out high enough to call 911. Then I focused on relaxing and took it again. It came down 10/10. I relaxed more, took it again and it came down 15/5. This will not be the boss of me. I will teach myself to be healthy. This does not need to be a problem.
The sitter is fired for LOTS of cause. I don't need to own her problems. Some of them are bad luck but some of them are natural consequences of bad choices, including foolish choices I've watched her make. I'm sorry this will hurt her but she didn't have to have done much not to have lost her job.
I already intend to leave my job. I'm sure the next one will pay better. I have plans for how to get the next one. If my boss gives me grief for the closing, or for going to the doctor for blood pressure medication, or for stuff that's not my doing, well, I'm a short-timer. She can stuff it. I was upfront when she hired me and she said it wasn't a problem. I can't own this.
The move will happen. Things may be lost or broken and that will happen too. But once I'm moved that's it. I get to stay and learn what it feels like to grow roots and live from a place of stability. And once it's done it's done. "Moving" will be crossed off my list indefinitely, not looming over me indefinitely as it has been since 2011.
Wow... My housing situation truly has been in a state of constant flux since October 2011. I wonder how my blood pressure will settle once I'm in my new house? In a sense it will be like erasing the last 12 years, because the house I'm moving to is similar in price, size, and condition to the one we lived in when D12 was born. Getting settled will be an amazing experience. (I'm starting to really feel better now).
I like feeling healthy and strong. I do like to cook and exercise but I've been doing the minimum because of a combination of fatigue, laziness, and feelings of not being worth the effort. That is wrong. I need to add a few things to my life to improve its quality. I must become ok. There are too many reasons to take care of myself to not make the effort.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
