The developments re your sitch seem like good ones, in spite of the 'twists, turns & many unknowns'.
I wish I knew if the developments are good or not, unfortunately it's a case of only time will tell and by then I fear I will not be detached enough and be put through a re run of the pain and rejection. It's not easy to remain in neutral territory, I fear I have crossed the line a few times already.
We fell into ease with each other quickly and he has opened up to me on a level which I did not expect. He lead me along for a bit and then something inside him made him stop, think about who he was doing this to, I am not just another w, I was his long term partner in life, the w he loved, the mother of his c, his best friend and someone he cares for on a deep level. He became honest with me and himself and decided/wanted to get help, as he does not want to continue feeling the way he does, or be the person he has become. He does not want to ever treat me or anyone else they way he has treated ow, he never wants to feel the desire/need to run and explore again, or to cheat which is what he forcibly had to stop himself from doing to ow - he still is adamant he never cheated on me or even considered it.
I take this a good sign, that he is thinking of someone else other than himself and he sees me as being worthy enough and special enough not to drag me along on his crazy ride. But the sad thing is that this may end with us never being an "us" again; that he may discover that what he currently feels for me is not real, its a safety reaction, or that both of us have changed too much, or I cant get past what he has done, said and of course ow - even though she came after he left.
In a way this is harder than not having him in my life, at least I knew where I stood then and got on with my life. I know that is what I should still be doing and treating this like nothing has changed, but lets be honest here, everything did change the moment he picked up the phone .......
I have had a day off today, my first one with nothing to do, no s to distract me, no guests, no organised day out with g/friends. It has been nice, I slept in, had breakfast in bed (crossiants and tea) and then went into town to get some things, plus to have a look at rucksacks - to try and keep focused on my travel goal. I have not spoken or text h nor him to me since Friday, its been a struggle at times to stop myself from just saying "hi, hows your day been" but i have resisted. It has to come from him and I have to reel the conversation back in, keep them short and listen to him - I need a few of Cali's STFU smoothies I think lol. I can't believe that we went months without talking and now I/we don't manage more than a few days.
