Recovery from cancer and separation

[shotgun]

Thank you for your interest Fogg. As best I can remember my wife and I only had one fight. It so happened that it lasted fifteen years. There was just never a resolution to it. It started on the eve of our wedding. In a courtship that lasted nine months we never had a disagreement or harsh word. The fight was about the two children that I brought to the relationship. For the rest of our time together we fought constantly about it. I had full custody of them with their mother only seeing them one night a week. The argument would take many forms but would always end with her complaining that I had taken their side. A couple of years into the marriage we went to a counselor over the issue. The two of them opined that my parenting style was to do nothing to correct their behavior. My counter was that sometimes by doing nothing you are doing everything possible. Through many quarrels with my wife and many challenges with my children I managed to raise two highly functioning and successful men. One is in the military and both attend major colleges. Neither has asked for a dime or assistance of any kind since graduating high school. In the time period of my marriage they never argued with her or raised their voice to her but did not ever develop a close relationship with my wife. My wife complained bitterly that their mother should be paying support but the attorney that I hired explained to me that due to my making significantly more money than her that I would have to pay her support even though they were with me most of the time. In our state custody is considered joint in almost all cases and I was advised that I would be unable to get anything but that. Through stalling tactics and keeping my ex a little confused and desperate I managed to never sign an agreement involving support. In the end my wife compiled a manifesto of my shortcomings that is found in every story that I have read on this website. She had found that she had feelings for another man and it was my fault. I like most people here did everything completely wrong although last fall my wife informed me that we had worked things out and she was committed to the marriage. Then the cancer came. I have had repressed memory of my treatment but a lot of things are slowly coming back to me. I am starting to recall a person who was disgusted by my appearance and inability to function. One such memory is of my wife and I having been invited to a party and her informing me that I could not go if I looked like a cancer patient. I know that is about as bad of a thing as a person could say and I would like to say that she is not a totally evil person. She is however someone who I am probably much better off without. I do continue to DB as I have learned how much it does for me. I still occasionally pray that God somehow fix this for my family. At this point it just seems over.