D8 went to stay with grandma tonight of course H decides he is staying with OW instead of coming home! I am not suprised. Zeus you told me to look at my feelings. My feelings are anger but I know anger is a mask feeling I need to look deeper so I did! I see jealousy because he is with her and not home where I think he should be. I see sadness because I feel they have been spending more time together than normal. I also see I can not control his choices so I may as well let it go tell him to have a good time and not show my emotions as that will only push him further away! Conversation: Me: d8 is staying at grandmas tonight H: ok? When will she be back Me: I will get her when I get off work so you don't have to worry about it! H: im staying with OW Me: have a good time
I have decided today at least that I can not make him come home! My only options are to show my anger/control issues tell him he is irresponsible I think he is doing the wrong thing blah blah OR I can say have a good time (180 Cuz I would usually throw a fit) and leave it alone! Come home from work tomorrow and PMA and spend time with d8 before she goes to other grandmas house! It [censored] holding these feelings in but for now it is what's best! I will just keep singing the frozen song let it go let it go! I am sure since this is the first time I reacted like this he will expect me to be mean tomorrow but I will NOT! I am going to have a good few hours with D and he can join if he wants if not that's his choice! Again I can not control him only me! I would consider this a second victory for the day! I also know he will not believe the changes until I am consistent! I'm open to feedback? Am I heading down a different tunnel?
