LBS trying to get it right

[Azzork]

Ok I am a thinker ...I ponder things and then think how I can make things right

Fine. But clearly the things YOU think are going to work in your favor just aren't. You need to adjust your frame of reference from trying to make your wife happy to trying to attract a girl that isn't into you. A lot of thought is necessary for this process. But if you are thinking the wrong way, you just can't make progress.

I do realise that I cannot fix her and that she has to do this I guess in the past when we nearly split I was able to ....talk her arround

Once the perceived pain of leaving is lower than the pain in staying, change happens.

I went down to Devon for a few days with the kids gave her some space and all she did was fill her day with plans out with mates for lunch and then clubbing in the evening

I have been out a couple of evenings with a friend but did end up talking to him about the situation ...not helpful

You can't try to GAL for HER. It just has to be for you. For you to have fun and regain your confidence and improve yourself, you need to be able to have times where you just don't think about all of the awfulness going on around you for an hour or two. If you can do that with the kids , fine. But it's so critical to get time off.

I am putting her first because I believed that this would help ...would make a difference ....if i stop putting her first then will she not think we'll he does not want to make,things right ?

I thought that if I spent however doing all the things she wanted me to do during the M then she would think .....he has change...

You HAVE GOT to stop thinking of her as your wife. That's really all there is to it. She is now a girl that you like that is not that into you. The more you chase and chase after her, the more she will try to run away from you. I KNOW it's counter intuitive. I know. Your focus should be on you and your kids.

I am scared that this really is over and I do not know WTF I am going to do....

Are you sitting down?

Are you?

I'm going to let you in on a secret. It's ALREADY over. The marriage you cherish is over.

I'm sorry, but it's true.

That doesn't mean that you and your W can't start a new marriage that could be even BETTER than the one you had. But you have to come to grips that you will never have THAT marriage again. And the sooner you realize that, the better off you will be.

Now, what are you going to do? Hopefully, you can learn from all the people here trying to help you. You can get a life. You can become the person you want to be. Then, who knows. You may not even want your wife back after all of that!

It's going to be a long road ahead

Buckle up.