MLC Funhouse continues

[HaWho]

Ok- so on vacation, away for my B-day w/H and kids. Lots of updates.

I am having a wonderful time; enjoying myself. H at times seems antsy and at times flirtatious.

Last night H suggests we go downstairs by ourselves to hotel lounge. I recommend sitting at bustling bar, H suggests vacant part of lounge.

So H immediately goes into R talk.

Here is the gist:

H wants to know what I think about M/R. I tell him that I recognize issues in R: that I put kids first, that he was right and we should have put M first. I have already validated this issue.

H says he now remembers why he married me. He says he does feel romantic feelings for me. He says he does find me attractive. But, that M was bad for 10 years (revisionist version) and a piece of him detached from me. That piece "awoke" and now wants "to live life."

That piece that "awoke" wants freedom, ability to be who he is, etc. H said he does not know how much time he has left on Earth. Then said, this is not MLC. (He must know I think this is MLC.)

In honor of Bea, I did the TED talk. H said he wants adventure. Also, to just do whatever he wants. He categorically said he wants it to be like when he was 28, again (just before he met me). He said M has been bad for 10 years and I "owe it to him to let him have other women." I listened calmly and then, quietly, but firmly, looking him square in the eyes said "I do not owe you other women." (Heard Toots on how MLCers will trample you. Heard Job on looking him in the eyes and calmly talking to him. Heard Cali on boundaries. Heard Deja on how lost MLCers are lost.) H backed down to child immediately and said, in small voice, "no, you don't owe me that." His eyes were down cast.

Then H said he wants to "live life," but he does not want to lose me. I did TED talk (thought of Bea). H acknowledged that he wants R with women where he does not have to do anything for other women, where he looks perfect, no past baggage, person looks at him meaningfully, etc. I did more TED talk about his desires for OW. (Thanks Bea!!!)

H says he knows the bond between us is there and deep. These Rs with OW would be different--not deep. H says on paper we should work. That he always wanted it to work. but he feels he needs to do all this because M was bad for 10 years. He also said he is nervous to try again w/me because maybe after 3 weeks it will go back to old ways. H said he wants to go on this adventure and then see where we are afterwards. But he does not want to lose me.

I did a LOT of listening and validating. H said it felt good to hear me talk. I told him that I certainly cannot control him, but that I can control the decisions I make. Left it at that...

At end H said he said he has noticed that I am "reliable" and that he appreciates it. He said he noticed I am calm and we can talk.

Today was my my b-day. Really nice day. We went to old places we went to when our R was young and fresh. (All this initiated by H.)

Came back to hotel and H and kids had ordered a cake and champagne. I gave all three a kiss on the cheek and said "thank you." Then H brought me a dozen red roses and said this was the gift from him. I said thank you but he turned shy.

Then H said I should hang out with kids so he can have some alone time. He went into master hotel bedroom and closed door. He came out 1/2 later for more cake. He poured me another glass of champagne and then went back to bedroom of hotel.

Wow, is he confused. Thanked him at end of night for talking to me so openly. He thanked me for remaining so calm.





I listened, validated, stayed very calm.