Thank you for being harsh ....I actually do need this and a good kick up the backside will do me no harm
Ok I am a thinker ...I ponder things and then think how I can make things right
My job as a driving instructor is all about finding solutions to people's problems this is all I do all day
Something many of think early on is that if we do x,y,z the right way, then W will come back. This just isnt the case at all. While you can influence her to come back by DB'ing, she may still never come back. You could do everything possible right and it might mean nothing in terms of you two getting back together. Its mostly out of your control and you have to accept you may have to move on without her in your life.
I do realise that I cannot fix her and that she has to do this I guess in the past when we nearly split I was able to ....talk her arround
I went down to Devon for a few days with the kids gave her some space and all she did was fill her day with plans out with mates for lunch and then clubbing in the evening
I have been out a couple of evenings with a friend but did end up talking to him about the situation ...not helpful
My W said that she would go out on a Saturday night and I could go out on the Sunday so so far ther has not been that much babysitting I am however doing a lot more with the kids and,I do enjoy the time spent ...I really enjoy it
I am putting her first because I believed that this would help ...would make a difference ....if i stop putting her first then will she not think we'll he does not want to make,things right ?
Still thinking in terms of what you think she wants you to do instead of what shes told you what she wants. She wants you to understand you two are no longer together. The only thing she can think later on if you do what SHE WANTS right now is "nice, hes accepted what I wanted or $hit, hes accepted what I wanted". Either way it was her choice, she cant place that back on you. She might try, but it would just be manipulation and her trying to remove her own guilt.
I thought that if I spent however doing all the things she wanted me to do during the M then she would think .....he has change...
Before DB that would have been great, now not so much. Time and a place. You can do some of these things if they don't come off as full pursuit (which is whats happening now). Focus on the things shes said that don't directly relate to her.
For instance, say she complained you didn't rub her back. DONT go around offering her rubs every second she looks uncomfortable.
If she complained about you treating the kids better, DO treat the kids better.
You have to change for yourself using her complaints through the M but doing in a way that is respecting her choice to leave you. You dont have to agree or like shes leaving you, but you do have to respect her right to make that choice. You have to show her (through actions) you are changing for you and your own future and not just to get her back.
I am scared that this really is over and I do not know WTF I am going to do.... It is over, for right now. I understand how hard that is to accept, its something I'm still trying to process. That I may have to continue my life without my W. It takes time to accept this and even longer to not feel any pain from it. Focus on you and the day to day moving forward and in time you will get to a place where you can move on without her, if that's what happens.
Ok so tomorrow she wants to go and see her sisters she is taking my 3 Youngest children with her I was thinking on going up with her but feel that I should perhaps just let her go in her own ...my only reservation is duriing our M one of the W concern was I put others in front of H and that she might feel nothing has changed
Did she ask you to come? If not theres no reason for you to go.
It's going to be a long road ahead
Yep, but trust this process and you will be great in the end. Like me, I think you have lots to discover about yourself and those changes will come in time if you let them. You are going to learn so much about who you are and what you are capable of in life.
Thanks for everything
Gary
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
