A new thread - My W's OW, the Predator

[DifRent]

So, after taking a week "off" from the boards (ha, I know I've popped in here and there), I'm back. Wanted to share some new/old things.

Whilst looking for something else entirely in the joint business account related to a property we own, I stumbled upon two even earlier emails the OW had sent to my W - and wow. If I thought she was a predator before, now I see how she cleared the path - and how she did so even after my W had told her (it seems in good and warm terms) how she and I fell in love.

Any of you who've had your partners poached, perhaps you haven't had such a black and white, up close glimpse as to how the OP did it, but there might be common themes here. You all tell me if this email, replete with its seventh grade angst and camping trip drama, isn't the most agenda-laden inappropriate thing to send to someone in a committed lifelong relationship whom you have just hired as your realtor and "befriended" all of three weeks prior...
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I’m a believer in total honesty, even and especially when it is hard! When I find myself withholding something or avoiding a conversation, I now know that the need to have the hard conversation won’t magically go away – and the longer I wait, the harder it gets.

So… about the camping this weekend.

I have been so excited about meeting you and our instant connection and friendship. You bring out the parts of me that help me feel good about myself. The minute I saw you, I was drawn to get to know you. You fill a room, E, in a good way. Your amazing story combined with your incredible power are magnetic. I seldom meet someone with such unlimited potential and who will undoubtedly continue to lead an amazing and interesting life.

So any opportunity to get to know you better, I blurt out with excitement! And in our travels ALL over Raleigh, I’ve heard about how Dif and you met and fell in love, so I want to get to know her as well! She must be special to have attracted you!

I haven’t been to this camping event before, but have no doubt it will be an incredible experience and I look forward to sharing much of it with you – and whatever parts with Dif that she can also participate in. There is also another element about camping this weekend I want to be straight up honest about. It will reveal my less secure side.

These women that I am camping with this weekend are women that I have admired for years. I’ve heard about their annual weekend of dancing, camping and dare I say drinking for a few years now and always longed to be invited. This year I got up the courage to ask my closest friend in that group, K, if I could come. I now get the sense that I haven’t been asked in the past because they assumed L would also want to come and she can be a bit much at times. She doesn’t have the best boundaries. So I asked K and had her ask the other women if I could join and got yes!

In my excitement about meeting you and wanting to share neat experiences with you, I invited you and Dif to not only come to this event, but also camp with me. Even though the tent is mine and there is space, it wasn’t my place to invite anyone to join a group I myself am just a newcomer too. I’ve been torn with struggle about what to do about this ever since!!! I WANT to camp with you and know we will be great camping buddies, but my first year joining these ladies on their established camping ritual is not the right time to invite you. I was out of line doing that and am sorry I did that, creating this very awkward situation.

Would you be terribly upset to bring your own tent and camp separately? I will help you find a spot and setup, hopefully nearby! If you have the tent, I have absolutely everything else you need to camp: sleeping bag, sleeping pad, lantern, cookstove, food… I don’t anticipate ANY of us will spend much time at campsites, and instead all be together in the milieu of families enjoying music on the different stages. I know they will love you!! But the invitation to join their campsite really belongs to them, not me.

I feel I have really disappointed you and am very sorry!! These are welcoming and very accomplished women and you will love them. I am the one who screwed up here. I strongly considered not camping with them, but that too feels rude. These are wonderful women and I don’t want to alienate them either. I decided it was best to honor my first commitment and just confess my screw up to you.

We can talk tonight (at the "inspirational video club" she hosted at her house), but I felt more comfortable writing you first. You will find that with difficult conversations, I can become a deer in headlights – struggling to find my words and anxious. So writing seemed the right thing to do.

I’m still excited about spending the weekend enjoying the music every day with you!!

OW
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Have to give it to the OW... she's a master. And with the next email, sent the very next day, she really steps up her game...